Homecoming
by Tekalali
Summary: Roxas has finally returned to America, but what will happen now? What about... Axel? Sequel to 'Home Is Where The Heart Is'.
1. Good to be home

And so the sequel begins :D

I know some of you guys have been waiting a long time for this and I'm pretty psyched up about writing it myself. (:

Chapter one is the return so enjoy!

Tily: Hey! Don't forget about me!

Kit: Oh, you're back.

Tily: Hell yeah, here for commentry and everything.

Kit: Joy. Hope you like the chapter!

**Disclaimer: ****IT'S BACK WITH A CAPS LOCK VENGEANCE! So is my determination to steal Axel so I blackmailed Luxord with Rum and Xaldin, we'll have to see how that works out.**

* * *

This was… a lot of things for Roxas. It was exciting and terrifying, but at the same time so much more than that. He could only really call it emotional, and settled with it being more nerve wrecking considering how much his hands were shaking. He was getting closer every second. Closer to getting home and being back where he belonged after the longest nine months of his life.

The whole thing had come as a massive shock to his system. Actually everything had rattled him since this all started. This time eighteen months ago he was in the same place he was now but with a much different outlook on everything that was happening. Back then he didn't want to be here, he wanted to be 'home', little did he know that the place he once called home would become a prison nine months later, but now… now he _was _home or at least getting close to it.

He hadn't really expected to be here though, he had hoped he'd return one day, but not straight after his eighteenth birthday. His grandfather had sent him the plane ticket, dated and timed and nothing could stop him, not his guardians, they couldn't do anything anymore. He was free to make his own choices, and this was definitely a choice he was going to make.

The taxi pulled up in front of the house and Roxas quickly got out, paying the fair and taking the bags out of the trunk before the driver pulled away and Roxas was left standing on the porch. His smile was wide but often wavered, some things here were going to be complicated, and though he was happy to be back, he was apprehensive. But for now there was one thing he was dying to see, and that was Cloud's face when he saw his little brother again. Ansem had told the younger blond not to say anything to his brother, and keep it all as a surprise, so he did. This would be priceless.

Roxas opened the door quietly, peering his head round to find the hall empty and looking exactly as it always had, the only thing he heard was the sound of the TV drifting in from the living room and the music playing told him it could only be Cloud who was here.

With a wide, cunning grin Roxas opened the door, placing his bags gently on the floor and closing the door softly before tiptoeing towards the open living room. He looked in, thankfully everything was just the same here too and the single chair in front of the door would hide him well enough for the blond to sneak behind the couch and surprise his unsuspecting brother, but what he saw made him smile. Cloud wasn't alone, sat beside him, also staring intently at the TV screen was Zack and Roxas was happy to see the two together even after he left.

With silent movements Roxas crouched, scooted behind the chair and darted stealthily to the edge of the sofa where a hand appeared in front of him a little further up and Roxas raised an eyebrow as it moved to a 'thumbs up' and the younger blond looked up at Zack, the male looking out the corner of his eye at Roxas with a small grin on his face. The younger blond smiled back and Zack casually stretched his arm up before laying it on the back of the sofa again letting Roxas continue in his prowling.

Once behind Cloud the younger blond stood and quickly wrapped his brother into a headlock, "miss me?" Roxas laughed and as Cloud realised just who the voice belonged to he stopped struggling, twisting round to looked wide eyed at his grinning younger sibling and he pounced, off the sofa, and onto his taller-than-he-used-to-be but still younger brother.

"Roxas!" The older boy cheered, hugging him as they both lay as a pile on the floor. "You're here, I'm so glad you're back kiddo."

"As much as I hate to say it, I've missed you," Roxas admitted with a smile, hugging his brother.

"Now I feel left out," Zack joined in with a frown, helping both blonde's off the floor.

"It's good to see you too Zack, I'm glad Cloud's had someone to keep him sane while I've been gone."

"All part of the package," the raven winked "nice to have you back blondie."

"Where's granddad anyway?" Roxas asked as he scanned the room, he thought the man might be around to greet him. "I need to thank him for sending me the plane ticket."

"He's working away his retirement but he should be home soon, I can't believe neither of you told me you were coming home today," Cloud pouted and Roxas could only laugh, he really had missed his stupid brother.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," Roxas explained.

"So only you and Gramps know? I guess you're going to have to tell everyone else, oh I know!" Cloud cheered, "why don't we have a welcome back party for you? Everyone can come!" Roxas could tell his brother was excited about the idea but it just made his stomach churn nervously.

"I'll pass, I'm tired and I just want to tell everyone myself, you know, surprise them too at school and stuff," the younger male said and Cloud frowned.

"I guess that's fair enough, can you get back to school?"

Roxas nodded, "granddad sorted it all out for me, I need to see Xemnas tomorrow morning before school starts but everything should be fine for me to finish my school year there."

"What about getting there?" Cloud questioned and his brother shrugged, he'd forgotten he didn't have a car here like back in England.

"I can drive but I'll have to save up for a car, I can walk there until I get one," Roxas answered.

Cloud rolled his eyes and scoffed, Roxas was as selfless as ever, "I'll give you a ride knucklehead," the older Strife ruffled his brothers hair before he could do anything about it, seems Roxas' reactions were a bit lax after being gone for so long.

"Thanks Cloud," Roxas smiled. "I better take my things upstairs before granddad turns up and trips on them or something."

"Need any help shortie?" Zack questioned innocently like the comment want insulting, after all Roxas had grown a few inches in the past nine months.

"I can handle it," Roxas answered as he picked up his things and walked up to his old bedroom.

Nothing had changed in here and the blond let out a long sigh once his bags were down and the door was closed, his muscles relaxing and he finally let the melancholy set in, looking round the room just brought back so much he never wanted to forget but made himself do just to get through the hell he'd been in. Roxas unpacked his things thinking about his friends and what would happen when he returned to school, imagining what Demyx would be like and if the blond would forgive him for leaving without saying goodbye. Once everything was in its place Roxas nodded in approval, turning back to his suitcase again and unzipping the inside pocket, taking out a long book and carrying it over to his desk to put next to his laptop and he couldn't help but flick it open, it had been closed for so long.

The blond smiled at the pictures, his heart giving a yearning lurch as he flicked the pages sadly, his eyes scanning the photographs of his friends and finally Roxas' hand hovered longingly over a picture of a smiling blond and an equally happy redhead. "Axel," Roxas breathed out. What would the redhead say when he saw him again? Would things be the same?

"Hey Rox," a knock came from the other side of the door and the younger blond shut the photo album, putting it back on the desk as Cloud opened the door. "Gramps is back if you want to see him."

Both boys made their way back downstairs to find Zack and Ansem chatting and Roxas smiled at his grandfather, the man hadn't change one bit. "It's good to have you home Roxas," Ansem greeted as he hugged his youngest grandson,

"Thank you for sending me the ticket Granddad it means a lot," the younger blond thanked him.

"Well we all wanted you home it was the least I could do to bring you back."

"Since Rox doesn't want a big party how about we celebrate, just the four of us?" Cloud suggested and the others nodded their agreement.

"So how was your time back in England?" Zack asked as the group ate and Roxas chewed slowly to steel himself to the inevitable questions.

"It was good," Roxas lied. It was all far, far from good. "Elena and Rufus weren't overly happy about me leaving but they let me go without too much of a fight." That was true, then again, the way he had acted since he'd arrived the guilt was strong enough for them to let him leave and be happy again.

"Well that's expected of Elena, she craves those maternal instincts," Ansem laughed.

"I think I'm going to get some sleep, it's an early start tomorrow," Roxas admitted as he stood from the table.

"Oh Roxas, I have something for you, as a homecoming gift," Ansem perked up, standing too from the table and telling the blond to follow him. Roxas looked at his grandfather questioningly, surely the ticket was enough, it was to Roxas. "I can't make this much more of a surprise than it already is so I'll just get on with it," the man smiled, "I know you can drive now," Roxas' eyes shot to the size of dinner plate. He didn't!

"Granddad no, you really didn't have-"

"I don't care, you're my grandson and I want you to have your independence," Ansem interrupted the blond and passed him a set of keys. "You know where it is." Roxas made his way into the garage, flicking on the lights and gasping at the black Mini Cooper.

"Wow," Roxas awed, he'd only ever driven his uncles car back home and it was nothing compared to this. "Thank you so much," the younger blond grinned happily.

"I'm glad you like it, now off to bed with you, like you said it's an early start tomorrow." Roxas nodded, walking back into the hall with the others.

"Hey Rox, aren't you going to see Axel?" Cloud questioned and it made the younger blond wince.

"Actually I'm going to start school first, get everything on track then I'll see him," Roxas answered without looking at his brother. "Good night everyone," Roxas finally said before making his way up to his bedroom where he leaned against the door once he was inside.

Axel. He was the one person Roxas wanted to see most, and the one person he was most scared of seeing again. All the blond could think was 'what if?'

These thoughts ran through Roxas' mind as he finally settled into his old bed and fell into a restless sleep, tomorrow would be interesting.

* * *

**A/N: Well there's chapter 1, big surprise that chapter 2's going to be meeting the others at school :P**

**Tily: Yay! This gets me excited for more chapters, I can't wait**

**Kit: Yeah, you won't give me a break about it either -_-;**

**Tily: You know what to do guys, click that review button down there to get the rest written quicker, ok?**

**Kit: Thanks for reading. :)**


	2. Friends

Are you guys ready for chapter 2?

Tily: I know I am!

Kit: You always are. -_-

So Roxas is back at school, lets see how his friends react and who he sees (:

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: We discovered Ansem's pretty awesome... so I'm going to try and kidnap him for a while instead of Axel. But for now Square owns all characters and I own the story.**

* * *

His nerves had done nothing to help him sleep last night leaving a groggy Roxas to be alerted by the loud, dreaded ringing of his alarm the next morning that he had to get up, when he was actually already awake. This really wasn't a good start to the blonde's day.

Though wishing he could curl into a ball and sleep the day away the young blond decided to get himself out of bed, Cloud would be up and tormenting him if he didn't anyway, why give his brother the pleasure?

Roxas made his way downstairs once dressed and headed straight for the coffee machine, pouring himself a hefty cup full of the stuff and sitting down next to his brother who was way too cheerful for so early in the morning. "Morning kiddo," his sibling grinned and Roxas gave his own tired, weak smile in return. "Oh Roxas wipe that depressed look of your face, you're home you should be happy."

"I am happy," the younger blond replied, "I didn't get enough sleep last night to smile."

"You know I wish I was back in school just to see what everyone's going to say, especially Demyx," Cloud smirked.

"Don't remind me."

Cloud laughed before, "well I have to get to work and you should be getting to school to see Xemnas before classes start," Roxas rolled his eyes at his brother.

"Yes mam," he scoffed, unable to then avoid the headlock his brother put him in.

"Shut up and grab your keys."

********

Roxas looked up at the looming building from the mostly empty car park. This was going to be an eventful day that's for sure.

Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves a little the blond took his first steps towards his old school. He'd missed being here, contrary to everyone always saying they'd never miss the place when they leave, Roxas really had. Once inside he made his way to the principles office. He felt like a kid going for detention or something, then again he did feel guilty for not saying anything to Xemnas about leaving. Not that he could have, the whole thing was pretty abrupt.

"Come in," Roxas heard the hard voice of his principle command as he knocked on the door, opening it to see everything exactly the same as it had been the last time he was here after his fight in the library with Sora.

"Good morning sir," Roxas greeted as he closed the door and the grey haired man looked up from his papers at the blond.

"Roxas, take a seat," the blond did as he was asked as Xemnas sat upright to address the boy. "Are you back for good this time?" Roxas winced a little but he was rather offended by the comment, he hadn't chosen to leave in the first place.

"Yes sir," he answered.

"Your grandfather told me about your previous circumstances so I am willing to let you return to school to finish your senior year, I expect you to achieve well, don't let me down."

"Of course not sir, thank you."

"Very well, your timetable and signing sheet will be in the school office, make sure you have every teacher's signature and return it at the end of the week." With that Xemnas shooed the boy who went in search of the office, just like his first day here.

It was strange being back here but not unpleasant, he had so many memories walking through these halls with his friends, he passed a number of memorable places and even blushed when he saw the very same wall Axel had pinned him against after science on his second day here.

The bombardment of memories made the blonde's chest tighten again and Roxas shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts just as he reached the door he needed. Once he entered he smiled, here was another familiar face and she looked exactly the same. "Good morning," he greeted to grab her attention and the brunette lifted her head to see the boy and as realisation struck she smiled brightly.

"Roxas, you're back," she said happily, moving from her place behind her desk to hug the boy. "No one's around so I'm allowed to do this," she giggled.

"It's good to see you Aerith," he grinned at her.

"You must be here for your timetable and signing sheet," the blond nodded and the girl turned to retrieve the two sheets from a set of draws. "Xemnas told me there would be a student coming to pick these up but he didn't say who," she said as she handed Roxas the papers.

"Thank you Aerith."

"Anytime Roxas, don't forget to come visit me in the library when you have time." The brunette waved as Roxas left the room and looked down at his timetable. His immediate reaction was a grimace. It was his first day back and his first lesson was Maths.

"You did that on purpose Xemnas," Roxas mumbled and sighed. He'd be early but he might as well get to class now, he might even make a good impression on Vexen… Or not.

The blond finally reached the classroom door with a dejected sigh but forced himself to open it, Vexen wouldn't be doing anything anyway.

Once Roxas opened the door and looked up he immediately stopped, his face passive as he stared at the scene in front of him. He wasn't exactly expecting to see this. Actually, he wished he hadn't seen it, especially not on his first day back to school… which makes it all the worse really, they were _at school_. Was this even allowed?

The look on Vexen's face was priceless, and a surprise to Roxas since he didn't think the man could do anything other than scowl. The other person's reaction, however, was predictable, a triumphant smirk like he'd just won a prize and the blond wondered if he'd been hoping something like this would happen eventually. "Roxas long time no see," the boy grinned, unmoving from his position, hand resting on Vexen's bare chest and other hand pinning the mans arms to the wall behind them.

"I can't believe the first time I see you in almost a year you're sexually harassing my teacher," the blond said as he closed the door and walked past the pair to sit in his seat. "Not like I didn't already know about you two but this isn't what I want to see Marly."

The pink haired boy pouted, moving away from Vexen so the man could hurriedly button his shirt again and Roxas couldn't hide his smirk. "How did you know?" Marluxia asked, raising a questioning eyebrow and the blond rolled his eyes.

"The amount of times it was almost said last year it was obvious I just didn't bring it up. Student teacher relationships and all that," Roxas shrugged, "obviously it doesn't matter now since you're not a student anymore and you're taking advantage of that by coming to school early and harassing my teacher."

Marluxia's expression was blank as Roxas smirked and the pink haired boy finally spoke, "you haven't changed one bit have you Rox?" he grinned and the pair laughed. "It's great to have you back have you told anyone yet? Can I tell them?" the blond rolled his eyes again. Yeah, this was the same Marluxia alright.

"No and no, it's going to be a surprise so keep your mouth zipped ok?" Roxas warned at the other boy crossed his heart.

"Well, time to get to work, see you later," Marluxia waved goodbye and left the room.

Silence followed as Vexen's hostility finally reached Roxas and he shifted his blue eyes to the man who looked extremely nervous. "Vexen?" the blond said making the man's attention snap to him. "I won't tell anyone if that's what you're thinking," he explained.

"No you won't, because I could fail you right here and now," the teacher snapped back and Roxas sighed. He couldn't win.

He decided against saying anything back and walked over to hand the man a sheet for him to sign before sitting back down in silence until class began.

********

Roxas couldn't imagine his day getting anymore boring after Vexen had finished his class, the blond almost wondered why he'd missed it here. Leaving the classroom Roxas took out his timetable again to check his second lesson. Chemistry. His stomach jerked slightly with nerves, all of the memories from last year flooding back and he suddenly didn't want to go. Still he might not see anyone in his class this year and that might take his mind off things.

Roxas followed the crowds to his Chemistry classroom and he was happy to see it was still Xaldin teaching the class. "Welcome back," the man greeted as Roxas walked to his desk and finally turned to face into the class.

The first thing Roxas saw was a pair of bright blue eyes staring at him, the body attached immediately then removing itself from its' seat and running towards the boy. In the middle of their chemistry class… This wasn't going to end well.

The blond braced himself as he was pounced on, the attacked letting out a high pitched squeal as he hugged Roxas. "Roxas! YOU'RE BACK!!" the smaller blond blushed, undoubtedly all eyes in the class were on him now and the only person who could possibly think jumping on someone in the middle of a classroom was a good idea.

"It's good to see you Demyx," the blond said in a muffle, his face pressed tightly against Demyx's chest, "but I can't breath."

"That's quite enough of that Demyx," Xaldin scolded the boy who finally let go of Roxas, the blond taking in some well needed oxygen. "Both of you take your seats."

The blond dropped his head as he scurried to his seat with his friend, finally lifting his head to see another familiar face. "Good to see you Roxas," the new voice gave a small, genuine smile and Roxas couldn't help but smile back.

"You too Zexion."

"I'm glad you're here, Demyx has missed you and it was starting to depress everyone." the boy smirked.

"Well you left without saying goodbye and I couldn't believe you were gone."

"He cried for two days straight," Zexion explained and the sandy blond blushed receiving a smile and quiet laugh from his friend.

"I've missed you guys," he admitted and they all grinned.

*******

"Well at least this hasn't changed," Roxas smiled as he met up with his friends again after Art, the pair holding hands as they all walked to the cafeteria.

"Nothing can break us up," Demyx grinned widely and though Roxas smiled back he felt a sting of pain. What about him and Axel? What were they now? "How was Art with Setzer?"

The smaller blond gave an exasperated sigh. It had been eventful that's for sure. "He put his drama skills to good use, even convinced everyone I'd escaped from the country because I committed murder and moved to England for refuge because my family are a powerful English mafia. I don't even know how he gets away with stories _that_ bizarre."

Demyx burst into fits of laughter from beside him. "Setzer needs an award or something," he breathed through his laughter as the trio finally sat down.

"It's not funny," Roxas claimed but even Zexion was having a hard time keeping a straight face. "You guys are cruel."

"Um.. Roxas, you might want to-" but it was too late. Before Zexion could finish his sentence déjà vu hit as Roxas was tackled for the second time today, but this time completely off his seat and sent crashing to the floor, a mass of brown hair invading his sight and the blond had no doubts about who this was.

"You're back! You're back! You're back!" the brunet cheered as he crushed Roxas in a death grip hug.

"Sora you're going to kill him!" Demyx called in panic as he pried the boy away. "You don't want to do that when we _just _got him back."

"Sorry Roxas I just can't believe you're back, I knew you'd come back," the boy hugged Roxas again with less force and laughed. "I'm so happy you're here," he sniffed and the blond rolled his eyes.

"Don't you dare cry Sora," he warned but Roxas already knew it was too late. "It's alright Sora, I'm not going anywhere again I promise."

"You promise?"

"I promise," the blond said with a laugh and Sora finally let go to grin at his best friend. "I've missed you Sora," Roxas admitted and laughed again as the brunet started crying again.

********

"I'm guessing you haven't told Axel yet?" the question made Roxas wince as he and his friend walked towards the school entrance at the end of the day. It was the first time anyone had brought it up since Cloud but now he knew he had to talk about it with Sora.

"No, not yet," he admitted.

"Makes sense why he hasn't been home yet," the brunet said, squinting up at the clear sky once they were out of the building.

"What?" Roxas questioned worriedly. Axel hadn't been going home?

Sora ignored the question, taking Roxas' wrist and giving a small smile. "Come on, there's someone I know you'll want to see," he said, pulling the boy towards the car park before Roxas could say anything. "Riku!" Sora called, snapping the blonde's attention in the direction his friend was waving. "Look who I found!" he laughed.

Riku's eyes grew wide as he took in the blond, unable to believe that he was really there "R-Roxas? Is that really you?"

"Hey Riku," the blond greeted and the silverette hugged him uncharacteristically, the blond taken aback by the action but he happily hugged him back.

"When did you get back?" Riku asked once he let go.

"Yesterday, I was going to come see you guys but I knew I'd see Sora at school so I waited."

"Have you seen Axel?" the boy questioned and Roxas' smile wavered.

"No." Riku and Sora exchanged looks before the silverette nodded.

"You should come home with us," Sora started, taking the blonde's shoulders.

"We need to talk to you, about Axel."

* * *

**A/N: Lol MarVex XDDD I rather love Roxas' reaction. Also, Sora made me so happy : DD**

**Tily: Going to talk about Axel? What? What happens!?**

**Kit: Relax already we'll find out soon.**

**Tily: For the sake of the chapter, please review!!!**

**Kit: Thanks for reading. (:  
**


	3. What happened part 1

Lets find out what happened to Axel then.

Tily: I'm pretty worried actually.

Kit: I've been getting grief off everyone including you so just read it. Part two will be up a little later in the day because I'm cruel and not posting them at the same time.

Also I really want to apologise for not responding to all of the awesome comments I've been getting. I'm truely sorry and I'm going to try my best to get them answered from now on.

**Disclaimer: Just so you know, Luxord came up empty handed... so I sicked Marluxia on him without any rum or Xaldin. Square still owns all characters =_=**

Oh and italics are a flashback. (:**  
**

* * *

Roxas pulled up to the building with Riku and Sora and looked up at it with sickly nostalgia making his stomach turn, he'd only been in here once before but that time had not been a good day. "Hey, you ok?" Sora questioned the blond as they walked into the entrance and he gave a silent nod though he wasn't really convincing anyone with that.

Roxas hadn't really seen the apartment when he'd been here last and he could tell it was Riku's, the redhead didn't seem to have left any mark of even being here though and that made Roxas' stomach turn over again. What had happened with Axel? "Funny, isn't it?" Riku said as he looked around the room he spent everyday in. "We were supposed to have so many memories together here." He admitted with a sad sigh and Roxas could tell this conversation they were about to have would not be a good one.

He was scared.

"Why don't you sit down Rox and I'll let Cloud know you'll be home late," Sora said as he too entered the room, trying to break the tense mood though he knew it wouldn't really make a difference.

The blond nodded, "thanks Sora."

The brunet smiled before leaving and heading towards what Roxas guessed was the kitchen. It was silent for a minute, Roxas and Riku both just staring, neither boy wanting to start this conversation. "I guess… I better start talking," the silverette finally spoke up and Roxas swallowed nervously, he could already feel his heart sinking into his stomach. "When you left, Roxas, it took its toll on all of us," Riku started, "we all know it wasn't your fault but just having you taken away like that… no one expected it, least of all Axel." The name still sent a sharp pain through the blonde's heart and guilt swept over him again like it did every time he thought about it. "Once you left and we came back up here Axel was already in his room and no matter how hard Sora and I tried we couldn't get him out. We didn't see him for a week and neither of us knew if he was eating or not." The information just made Roxas' guilt increase, he'd wished Axel hadn't taken it so hard, though he had been much the same. He'd have to tell his story once Riku was finished.

"After that he wouldn't talk, didn't leave the house, he was a zombie. It got especially bad about three and a half months after you'd gone where he relapsed again and regressed back into what he was like the first week. But-" Riku stopped, pursing his lips from going further though Roxas wasn't sure why. What happened after that?

"Axel finally left the house one day," the blond turned his attention to Sora who entered the room and sat beside his boyfriend, taking his hand.

******

"_Axel?" Riku called, knocking on his friend's bedroom door, it had been three days since he'd seen the boy eat and he was of course concerned, Axel was so depressed he might really hurt himself if he at least didn't eat anything._

"_Axel I'm making some food do you want something?" The silverette knocked again after receiving no answer the first time and becoming even more concerned when there was no answer the second time. Riku finally opened the door, peering in to find… nothing._

_There was no sign of his friend. Axel was gone._

_Riku immediately flipped open his phone, dialling the redhead's number as he wandered around the flat but the phone rang off without an answer and the silverette panicked. Where was he? He dialled again, the same thing happening and the dreaded voice from voicemail the only thing to answer his call "Axel, call me please, where are you?" He ended the call then flicking through his phonebook and calling Sora. He needed the brunet to help now._

"_Hey."_

"_Sora, have you seen Axel?" Riku asked the boy hurriedly._

"_No," was Sora's confused answer before his tone turned worried. "Riku, what's happened?"_

"_I don't know, he's just… gone, Sora. I don't know when or how but he left. Call Demyx, Marluxia and Leon, even Larxene If you have to, we have to find out if anyone's seen him." the brunet agreed before hanging up to do just that, Riku also calling Zexion, Cloud, Reno and Yuna but each call came back with nothing._

"_He'll be ok Riku, he has to be," Sora told the boy once he arrived at the apartment. Reno had told the silverette that he'd have a look around and bring him back if he found anything and to there surprise, at around midnight, there was a knock and both boys scurried from the couch to answer the door, a relieved sigh leaving their mouths as Reno stood there, Axel's arm around his neck and the younger redhead's head down._

"_I don't know how he got it but he's been drinking," Reno said as he carried his brother inside and to his bedroom, taking off his shoes and leaving Axel to sleep it off. "What happened? I thought he was getting better."_

"_So did we but something's gone wrong," Riku admitted. He just didn't understand it._

"_Make sure you give him hell in the morning for me," the other redhead said before leaving again and returning home._

_--------_

_Axel stumbled into the kitchen in the morning covering his eyes with his hand in sheer pain. He'd drank far more than he should have last night. "Axel," said redhead sighed at the sound of Riku's voice, this wasn't something he wanted to be dealing with right now. "What the hell happened? You up and left we were worried about you."_

"_Yeah, uh… sorry about that," Axel spoke and it came as a shock to the silverette, he hadn't heard Axel talk in weeks. "It won't happen again, don't worry about me I'm fine," the redhead continued and Riku gave him a disbelieving look. He doubted that._

"_Just don't scare us like that, we're all here to help you Axel, we-"_

"_I said I'm fine ok!" Axel bellowed, cupping his head once he'd finished and letting silence settle between both of them. "I'm going back to bed," the redhead finally said before walking away and back to his room._

_********_

"He started drinking a lot until about two months ago but he still doesn't come home, we don't see him for days and he won't tell us where he goes or anything," Sora finished and sighed sadly.

The silence that followed was filled with so much for Roxas. What… was going on? Where was Axel going? Was he alright? Why was he doing all of this? "I don't… understand," the blond finally spoke. "He was supposed to-" he was supposed to be ok, he _told_ Roxas everything was _ok._

"Roxas?" Riku said, snapping the blond out of his stupor and he focused on his friends.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "it was my fault, I didn't think he would be like this." the blond could feel the lump in his throat choking him.

"What do you mean?" Riku asked and Roxas knew. It was his turn to tell the story.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the length, at least we know what's wrong with Axel now lol. Roxas' turn next, that one's longer lol.**

**Tily: If you review now, she might even post part two really soon.**

**Kit: Maybe... ¬¬**

**Thanks for reading. ^^  
**


	4. What happened part 2

Ok, because I'll feel guilty if I make you guys wait anymore lol.

Here's part 2!

Tily: Yaaaay!

Kit: Go read it then.

Tily: *Runs away to read.*

Enjoy part 2 everyone. ^^

**Disclaimer: Marluxia caught Luxord... I don't want to talk about what heppened o_o; Square still owns all characters.**

* * *

"_Welcome home Roxas," Elena grinned as the trio walked back into a house none of them had seen in over half a year. Home? He doubted that, this wasn't home, this was hell and Roxas certainly wasn't finding any of this welcoming._

"_I'm going to unpack," the boy answered, tightening the grip on his suitcase and making his way back to his old room. It was as baron as he'd left it, a few posters lined the walls and the vile red wallpaper still stuck on the walls though it seemed to have faded a little more._

_Roxas took out his things, taking his time to put everything where he wanted it so he didn't have to face his guardians yet and after a long couple of hours Roxas finally took out his laptop and sat down on his bed. He wanted more than anything to talk to Axel, but what would he say? The blond had just been taken away from the one person he loved and loved him back and he had no idea what would happen now. He didn't want this to end and they had both promised that it wouldn't… but._

_Roxas opened his e-mail account to find an e-mail already there and his heart raced when he saw it was from Axel. The blond was nervous though, taking his time to open it and finally getting the courage to do so. He gave out a sigh of relief after read it though, the words making the blond a little more hopeful:_

_**Roxy,**_

_**I know this is going to be hard, but we'll get through it until you get back I promise.**_

_**I love you so much,**_

_**Axel.**_

_Roxas could feel the tears clouding his vision though he refused to let them fall. He believed Axel, they would make this ok and when he returned to America -whenever that might be- it would be better again no matter what. He wouldn't lose the redhead because of this… he couldn't._

"_Roxas honey dinner's ready," the blond heard Elena call but he didn't reply, just wrote an e-mail back to Axel before making his way downstairs._

_**I know, I'll always love you Axel, and we can make this work, the first chance I get I'll come back to you so please, wait for me.**_

_*******_

_It had been three weeks since the three family members had returned and nothing much had changed. Roxas still had yet to speak to them and he could tell it was ripping Elena apart inside every time she saw the boy's lifeless face. He'd even heard Rufus comforting her occasionally but Roxas felt no guilt for it. As cruel as it sounded, he wanted them to suffer at least a little bit for doing this to him._

_His conversations with Axel had continued much the same when Roxas wasn't at college and he would often confine himself to his room when he could, holding onto the only shred of communication he had left._

_Axel had told Roxas that the others had also been upset but he hadn't seen them much to know anything more. He hadn't left the house in weeks._

_**This isn't good for you Axel, please, at least talk to the others, I know it'll still hurt but I need you to be ok. For me?**_

_The reply had not been promising but he had said he'd talk to them and leave his room more and Roxas was thankful for that._

_After almost three months of the same routine Roxas' heart was still aching, the thought of being able to speak to Axel the only thing keeping him from breaking down… until he returned home one day to find his laptop missing and in his immediate panic he made his way downstairs and into the living room where his guardians were sitting. "Where's my laptop?" The boy questioned, speaking for the first time in a while and he was surprised to see Elena look grim even though he was now speaking to her._

"_We have it," Rufus spoke up and the youngest blond gave both adults a questioning look. "It's not good for you, Roxas. Being cooped up in your room on that thing all of the time," this wasn't happening. No way. "We want you to get better and that thing is doing nothing to help you so we're keeping it for a while."_

_As Roxas finally realised that this _was _in fact happening he began shaking, his breathing quickening and he could have screamed. "No," he said shakily, "no, yo-you can't," Roxas was close to hysterics now and Elena made her way over to the boy to comfort him._

"_Roxas dear it's for your own good," she gave her weak reasoning and was quickly shrugged off._

"_It's not!" The boy shouted, giving wide eyed looks to the pair, his expression pained and sorrowful. _

_He hated them._

"_Why are you doing this?" he questioned but neither answered. "You're taking everything away fr-"_

"_That's enough Roxas," Rufus deadpanned making the boy wince but be quiet nevertheless. "You might not see this yet but it will help you."_

_With that Roxas turned and made his way back to his room without another word. There was nothing he could say, and the worst part was Axel didn't even know. What would he think? The idea made the pent up sorrow spill out in rivers of tears as the blond finally broke down and cried._

_******_

_Roxas finally refused to eat. He didn't want to do anything anymore._

_He missed college but made sure he kept himself out of the house and finally he took up learning to drive just to pass the time and keep himself occupied, anything to keep away from his traitorous guardians. He had always loved them, they had been so kind to him… why did they have to change?_

_Once another two months had past Roxas became numb, enduring all of the pain he felt and gave up on doing anything but waiting for the day to come when he could leave the hell he was in, but even now that idea was terrifying to Roxas. He was afraid of what was going to happen when he returned because he knew it wouldn't be the same anymore, neither him nor Axel had each other to seek solace in anymore. What if Axel had moved on?_

"_How was your day honey?" Elena asked the boy as they all sat down for dinner and the younger blond nodded._

"_Fine, my music teacher said we have a concert coming up," the blond answered and received a smile from his aunt. The woman had been so happy when Roxas had started talking properly again, though she couldn't help feel sad that she hadn't seen the boy smile yet. Then again he didn't seem to have a reason to and she didn't know that he was still dying inside._

_The blond had started confiding himself in his photo album now, looking at it every night and hiding it under his bed so the others couldn't find it and claim it was bad for him to hold onto it so much. "Good night sweety," Elena would peek into his room and say before she went to bed every night, though Roxas would make sure his light was off and he was under the covers before she did so and he didn't have to answer. Tonight -like every other night- would not be a good one for Roxas. He didn't tell his guardians about his development of insomnia since he'd arrived and he didn't intend to._

******

_Christmas came and went for Roxas, he received packages from Cloud and Ansem including a letter from his brother wishing him a merry Christmas and hoped he was ok and they'd see each other soon. The younger boy could only hope for that and he was grateful to his older brother for sending him the letter. At least he hadn't been forgotten, he could promise now that he hadn't forgotten anyone in America._

_The next two and a half months passed as slowly as Roxas expected them to with no change in the blonde's attitude or emotional state. Elena and Rufus had suggested therapy which the youngest blond had drawn the line at. There was no way they were sending him to therapy and he was happy to know he'd won that battle. "Wake up Rox, it's your special day," Elena said with a cheerful grin as she walked into the blonde's room and he opened his eyes from his laboured and restless sleep wondering what she meant._

"_What are you talking about?" the young male mumbled and his aunt giggled._

"_It's your eighteenth birthday Roxas," the woman declared which immediately woke the blond completely. He'd be free from today? The thought came as a huge relief to Roxas and for the first time in long while he gave a small smile. "Here are your presents," the woman said handing his nephew a box and two cards, one thicker than the other. "Come downstairs when you're ready for your birthday breakfast," she said with another smile before leaving the room._

_Roxas opened the first card and present of his aunty and uncle without much enthusiasm and soon moved onto the other card written in his granddad's unmistakable writing. Once the envelope was off the blond gawked, wide eyed and heart racing at the contents and he opened the card inside to read the message the mad had left._

_**I don't have to tell you what to do with this Roxas. We all want you home.**_

_**Happy Birthday.**_

_**P.S. Don't worry about my daughter and son-in-law, if they say anything just give them hell.**_

_Roxas' expression quickly turned joyous and he stared down at the plane ticket intently, "today," the blond mumbled aloud and he quickly threw back the covers, taking his suitcase from the top of his wardrobe and throwing in his belongings "Today, today, today," he repeated, his smile growing every time he said it and he raced downstairs once he was dressed._

"_Roxas?" Elena smiled happily at the blonde's expression though she had no idea why he was so happy._

"_What's going on Roxas?" Rufus asked curiously from the dining table and Roxas finally stopped still to answer._

"_I'm going home," he admitted as he showed the man his plane ticket, refusing to let it go in case it was taken from him._

"_What?" Elena questioned, shocked but Rufus just smiled._

"_If that's what you want," he said and Roxas nodded before retreating back upstairs to put away his remaining things. "Roxas," a knock came from the other side of the door before Rufus entered the room and the younger male stopped packing to look up at his uncle. "Here, it's about time you got this back," he admitted handing Roxas' laptop back to the boy._

"_Thank you," he said, taking it from the man and putting it in his case before zipping it up._

"_We'll take you to the airport," Rufus smiled and Roxas mirrored the action, hugging the man in gratitude._

_He was finally going home._

*******

"So that's why he relapsed," Riku thought aloud once the blond finished talking and Roxas nodded.

"I'm… terrified," the blond admitted, "I want everything to be right again, but… what if-"

"You have to talk to him Rox," Sora added, "we'll call you the second he gets home, he has to be back soon."

Roxas nodded gratefully. "Thanks guys. I'm sorry for what happened. It was my fault."

"No. It wasn't," Riku protested. "You're not to blame for any of this Roxas. What happened to you wasn't fair and you pair for it. You have no idea how glad we are to have you back after all this time Rox."

The blond smiled at his best friends, both of them were there to reassure him and he would always be grateful to them for it. "Thanks for having me over guys and the place looks great," Roxas said as he left the apartment.

"The door's always open for you Roxas," Riku said and the blond smiled at the boy.

"See you tomorrow Rox," Sora added with a wave as the boy left and made his way home mulling over their conversation.

It still hurt thinking that Axel had developed a drinking problem while he was gone, everything about this still hurt because nothing had changed since he'd returned, he still hadn't seen Axel yet. But he would. He had to, no matter what… because he promised.

* * *

**A/N: Well... now we know what happened to little Roxy while he was gone, buy guys need a hug.**

**Hate Elena and Rufus now :3 lol I didn't really mean to have everyone hate them but... well it happened lol.**

**Tily: Rooooxy! Go find Axel NOW!**

**Kit: Will you shush, all in due time.**

**Tily: Ok, I can tell you what I think myself but everyone else will have to leave reviews, don't forget to do that guys!**

**Thanks for reading. -3-  
**


	5. Back to work

Tily: This one's late! Kit's sorry but she's busy with work and she's not well.

Kit: I'm here! *wobbles* though I'm not sure for how long.

Tily: Get back to bed! We have a replacment while Kit's gone.

Demyx: Hey!

Kit: Demyx is here and you want me to leave? No way!

Demyx: Uh.. I'm here for the introduction *worried about Kit and Tily's bickering in the background.* Enjoy, and Square owns the characters but Kit's the one who wrote the story. Now I have to get Kit back to bed. ^^;

* * *

Roxas awoke the next day to the depressing sound of his alarm clock and the realisation that it was actually Saturday. Not that it mattered much, he still had to get out of bed, he had things to do today and the best time to get where he needed was to get there early.

"Did I miss something?" Cloud questioned as his younger brother entered the kitchen with a yawn. "It _is_ Saturday right? I didn't sleep for three days did I? Shit, if I did I'm so fired."

Roxas rolled his eyes at Cloud but couldn't help the laugh that escaped him, "it can't be that surprising," he claimed but Cloud only raised an eyebrow at him, _of course_ it was, Roxas never _ever _got out of bed before noon willingly on a weekend. "Ok fine, it is, but it has been nine months since you've seen me, I might have miraculously changed," he received a scoff in return. Cloud knew Roxas' sleeping habits would never change.

"Any plans for today?" Cloud changed the subject, Roxas' sleeping pattern could be an argument that went on forever.

"Yeah, I'm going to see Sephiroth," he admitted and the older Strife understood that must be why he was up so early.

"Well, good luck with that, he wasn't very happy about you leaving so you're going to have to suck up real good," Cloud admitted as he took his things to the dish washer and Roxas' stomach dropped.

"Gee thanks for the boost of confidence there bro," Roxas mumbled sarcastically and Cloud laughed.

"Don't worry, you've got Riku if all else fails," Cloud said with a smile before announcing he had to get to work and leaving.

Roxas sat on his own for a while listening to the clock tick while his stomach churned with nerves. He really hoped this would go well.

It was just after nine when Roxas arrived at the shop that hadn't changed since he'd gone, he was glad though, he wouldn't want it to be any different.

Entering he found it filled with a few familiar faces from the days he used to work here, the regular morning business men were reading the paper and the teenagers were ready to drop their heads on the tables and sleep for an extra few hours if they could. "That you Rox?" the familiar voice gained the blonde's attention and he smiled at Xigbar.

"Long time no see Xigbar," he said as he approached the man who returned the greeting with his usual creepy smile.

"Never thought you were coming back dude, it's good to see you, though I thought you might have grown a little," the man howled with laughter, startling the occupants of the coffee shop and Roxas had to stop his own laugh escaping.

"Sod off," he quipped at the man who grasped at his chest dramatically.

"Your words hurt my Roxy."

"Zip it Xiggy," Roxas smirked.

"Touché. So, are you here for some coffee? Usual protocol you know I come to you not the other way around."

"Actually I was hoping to see Sephiroth," the blond admitted and Xigbar grinned.

"I knew you couldn't resist this place, he's upstairs why don't you go see him? We could do with having you back." Roxas nodded at the offer and walked towards a door at the end of the room, his heart pounding as his nerves kicked in again, Sephiroth had always been intimidating, and what Cloud had told him this morning hadn't helped the situation.

"Yes?" The man's low voice spoke as Roxas knocked on the door and he took a shaky breath before opening it. Sephiroth looked up and hummed as the boy entered, "I wondered when I'd be seeing you," the man said, taking his attention completely away from his work. "Riku told me you were back." Roxas nodded, unable to speak, now he was even more worried. "When can you start?" Sephiroth asked with a smirk and the blonde's stomach flipped with relief.

"You're giving me my job back? I thought you'd be too mad at me," Roxas admitted.

"Well I wasn't very impressed that there was no advanced warning. But Riku told me what happened and there's no reason for me to neglect you a job that is rightfully yours."

"Thank you Sephiroth," Roxas grinned, he'd missed working here, even if the shift hours were far too early for him sometimes.

"Your things are where you left them. Welcome back." With a grin Roxas thanked the man again and left, walking back down to see Xigbar.

"Yeah, I knew he wouldn't say no. By the way you just missed that redhead of yours," the man informed Roxas' whose heart started hammering against his chest and he wasn't sure whether he was glad or devastated, At least he was around though, Riku and Sora had said he wasn't going home, but it sounded like he was doing ok.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he was with some dark haired poppet," Xigbar went on and Roxas felt his heartbreak. Who was that? Was Axel actually with someone now? What if that's where he'd been going? "You alright Rox?" Xigbar's look was of concern and the blond tried his best to steel himself, sending the man one of his well practised fake smiles.

"I'm fine, Sephiroth said I can start whenever, what's the shift timetable like?" he asked and Xigbar shrugged.

"Your old one's still in your locker with your things if you want to check it, since we haven't had any new staff it hasn't changed much," Roxas nodded and walked back into the staff room to open his locker. According to the paper his shift started in an hour, so Roxas changed and walked back out to the counter with a frown. "What's with that face?"

"I can't believe this stuff still fits me," the blond sighed, "you'd think I'd grow a little."

"Well technically, those pants were too long for you last time, and now they fit so you must have grown at least a couple of inches," Xigbar admitted trying to cheer the boy up a little who smiled. "That's better, now keep that smile, I'm the only person in here who's allowed to scare away customers apart from Sephiroth."

"Roxas," Fuu nodded to the boy as she passed him to enter the staffroom later that day and he smiled as he walked to a new table with a tray of coffee.

"I forgot how busy it got here on a Saturday," Roxas admitted as he stood back behind the counter and Xigbar laughed.

"Yep, nothing's changed, trust me."

"Hey Roxas!" said blond looked around confused. Why was a muffled voice calling his name? And where was it coming from? Roxas finally noticed a boy pressing himself against the café window and the blond laughed.

"Why doesn't he just come in?" Roxas asked and Xigbar sighed.

"Sephiroth kicked him out for throwing a coffee mug at Larxene," now that was a name Roxas hadn't missed. "It didn't hit her -unfortunately- but coffee went everywhere."

"I'm glad I wasn't here to see that," Roxas admitted.

"She deserved it, and if you were here I'm sure you would have done worse. She was talking about you and Axel." Xigbar admitted and Roxas' anger flared. Once a bitch always a bitch he guessed. "Why don't you go say hi, you started your shift an hour early and you start your break soon anyway, I can handle it for five."

Roxas made his way to the front of the shop to see his old friend smiling at him. "Dude when did you get back?" he asked, hugging the boy as Seifer frowned. "Thought I might have seen you around school or something, then again I've been studying when I'm not in class so I'm not surprised I didn't see you around."

"You've been studying? Are you sure you're Hayner?"

"The comedian's back," the other blond said with a roll of his eyes and Roxas laughed.

"Hey Seifer."

"Shorty," the beanie blond greeted with a nod and Roxas sighed.

"So who knows that you're back?" Hayner questioned.

"Pretty much everyone, I haven't seen Pence or Olette but other than that there aren't many others."

"Cool, I'm surprised Axel's not with you then," Hayner admitted and Roxas' chest began stinging again.

"No uh.. I.. haven't told him yet," the smaller blond said and his friend frowned. "I gotta get back, I'll see you at school though right?"

"Sure thing, I'll be in the library wasting my life away probably, just come and find me," Hayner said and he waved as the pair left and Roxas walked back into the shop.

"See you tomorrow?" Xigbar asked as the pair finally left the shop at the end of the day and Roxas shook his head no.

"My day off," he said, happy that he'll get some more sleep

"Have a good one then, I'll see you later."

Roxas' thoughts flittered over the day as he drove home, he'd had fun despite the busy work and he was happy to finally see Hayner, but there was one thing he hadn't been about to get out of his head and his heart throbbed every time he thought about it. Who had Axel been with? Did this mean it was really over for them? Roxas wasn't sure what to do, he'd spent all of his time in England worrying that Axel might forget, might hate him for what happened but he'd always pushed away the idea that Axel might get together with someone else, it scared him more than anything and now… it might really be happening.

He had one last person he had to see, the one person who might just know what was going on and would help Roxas.

It was time to visit Reno.

* * *

**A/N: Reno's next!**

**Tily: For the last time go to bed!**

**Demyx: They're at it again, anyway, reviews might make Kit feel better, so leave some to make her happy. :)**

**Kit: Thanks guys! *wobbles back to bed*  
**


	6. All gone wrong

Kit: ...wtf? WHY IS IT UNDERLINED?! DD:

Tily: Experiencing technical difficulties.

Kit: Damnit! *bashes keyboard*

Demyx: You're still ill, we'll take care of it. *Guides Kit back to her room*

Tily: Kit's still not well so I'll change the underlining problems disclaim this. She owns only the story, the characters belong to Square, including Demyx who they've lent to us. Maybe we'll keep getting special guests for a while. ^^

Enjoy!

* * *

"Hey kiddo, I guess Sephiroth gave you your job back huh?" Cloud greeted his brother as said blond walked into the house and Roxas nodded.

"Riku told him what happened so it was all fine," he sighed with relief, "thank God, I don't think I could go job hunting again."

Cloud laughed, " by the way, gramps won't be home for a few hours so you'll have to make something if you're hungry," he informed Roxas who nodded.

"Listen Cloud," he said and his brother stopped on his way up the stairs. "I… I'm going to go see Reno, could you tell granddad where I am if he gets home before I do?" he asked and the older Strife nodded.

"No problem kiddo, I hope you get some answers," he said and Roxas smiled before leaving and making his way to Reno's house.

Roxas was nervous, what if Axel was there with him? He didn't really want to face the younger redhead right now, not after what Xigbar had told him. Roxas just hoped Reno was home and could give him at least a little information, perhaps if Reno knew what was going on, Roxas might find the idea of going to see Axel a little less daunting.

He was nervous as he knocked on the door, he could hear loud playing music and assumed Reno was home alone, and since said long haired redhead answered the door -with a rather shocked expression- he guessed he was right. "Roxy, wow didn't expect to see you," Reno greeted.

"Nice welcome back, it's nice to see you too Reno," the boy joked though he was still more than a little anxious.

"It's good to see you honest, just unexpected. Come in," he finished and the blond smiled as he entered the house and Reno closed the door, finally leading him over to the set of sofas and turned off his music. "What brings you here? You miss me?" Reno smirked and Roxas rolled his eyes, he should have known this guy would never change.

"Actually I-" the blond began nervously and took a deep breath to calm himself down a little. "I wanted to ask you about… Axel," he finished and Reno audibly sighed.

"I should have known, and here I thought you really just missed me," Reno joked but understood Roxas' lack of humour right now. "What do you want to know? Though to be honest I know about as much as everyone else." This piece of information made Roxas' hopes drop dramatically, maybe he shouldn't have brought this up, he might get worse answers than he was hoping for.

"So, you don't know where he's been going either?" The blond asked and Reno shook his head sadly.

"Not a clue, he's been leaving for days on end for about five months now, he comes here sometimes but it's rare and he hardly ever answers his phone," Reno sighed, his brother was so troublesome. "I don't know what else to tell you Rox, I've seen him more since he stopped drinking but it's only every two to three weeks."

The blond could feel his heart break again little by little. Had he caused all of this? Was it his fault? "I know what you're thinking," the redhead continued and Roxas looked up at the man, "it's not your fault Roxas, Axel's never been able to handle things well, he became a pyromaniac when I left, that was his way of dealing with things for a while. He'll go back to normal, especially if he knows you're here."

"I'm.. not so sure about that anymore," Roxas admitted and he could feel tears welling in his eyes, even if Reno was trying to reassure him it wasn't really helping the blond feel better about any of this. "X-Xigbar told me," Roxas continued, "that Axel's been with someone… a girl."

"A girl?" Reno questioned and the blond guessed he really didn't know anything about that after all. "You mean Xion?" Roxas' head shot up and Reno shook his head, "Rox, she's-" but the man stopped, neither he nor Roxas moving as the front door clicked open and a voice the blond hadn't heard in the longest time drifted into the room. Laughing.

Roxas' first thought was one he scolded himself for. One more selfish than he ever thought he could be. 'Why is Axel laughing?' Is what he thought and he hated himself for it. Axel had every right to be happy, to laugh and smile and do what he wanted. So why was Roxas so jealous? Was it because he wasn't happy himself?

The next thing Roxas did was stand, he couldn't be here anymore and as he looked up he felt every part of him crumble and his soul crack. He was right after all. Axel was with a girl, a girl a little shorter than Roxas with short, jet black hair and bright blue eyes. She was pretty, and Roxas couldn't deny that everything about this was making him die inside.

No one spoke as the group just stared, mostly at Roxas. One look of curiosity, one of hope and the other of complete surprise, was he really here? Axel couldn't believe his eyes, though the look on Roxas' face told the younger redhead that the blond was taking this situation completely wrong.

"R-Roxas." Both boys were wide eyed, Axel's with shock and Roxas' with naked hurt.

This… wasn't happening. But they both knew it was, the look in Roxas' eyes hit Axel hard and before he could explain the blond spoke.

"I'm sorry," he started, and the statement made the redhead wince. No, Roxas couldn't say sorry. "I just came to see Reno, so I'll be going now," the blond almost whispered as he dropped his head and made his way past Axel, the redhead frozen where he stood.

"Axel." His name brought him back to earth and Reno gave him a stern look. "Now."

With a nod the younger redhead turned and walked after Roxas. He had to see him. Had to explain, it wasn't supposed to be like this! "Roxas, wait!"

The blond didn't stop though, he made his shaky legs carry him home as fast as they could though he wasn't sure if that was enough, Axel had always caught up to him. Always. "Please Roxas, please wait a second."

"No," the blond answered, crushing his stinging eyes together and he couldn't stop the sob that left his throat. He couldn't stop anymore. This was it, he was allowed to cry now. "I'm sorry, Axel. For everything, and you don't have to worry anymore, you have your own life-"

"No."

"I won't be a burden in it anymore-"

"Stop."

"We can forget now."

"Stop it already!" Axel finally shouted and they both stopped walking.

Roxas didn't turn to look at the redhead as his tears stained the pavement below him and there was only silence. This was all so wrong, but he couldn't let Axel feel guilty, he had to let him be happy.

He had to let go. For Axel.

"Goodbye," the blond whispered and ran. Ran as fast as he could as Axel called his name but he ignored it. He had to get home. Had to get away so he didn't have to face this.

"Rox?" Cloud questioned as his brother came bursting through the door and ran up the stairs to his room, Cloud's eyes followed the boy in complete confusion before there was a knock at the door and the older Strife opened it to find Axel panting in front of him.

"Cloud, I need to see Roxas, please," the redhead begged.

"I'm sorry Axel, I don't know what's going on but I know my brother and I can't let you in, not when he's like this," the boy said though he wished he could let Axel in, but from past experiences, Cloud knew that was a bad idea.

"I need to see him Cloud, this is all wrong," Axel continued to plead but the blond could do nothing.

"I'm sorry Axel," he apologised before closing the door, leaving the redhead alone and more heart broken than he'd ever been. They'd both promised, they said they would be together when he got back, no matter what and Axel would keep that promise even if it killed him. He'd see Roxas again, make everything right again. He had to. For both of them.

"Roxas?" his brother said as he knocked on the door. It had been two hours since Axel and Roxas had seen each other and the blond had ran home crying, and Cloud couldn't stand seeing his brother like this. "Do you want to tell me about it?" He asked as he walked to sit on Roxas' bed where the boy had buried himself under the covers.

"I was wrong," the younger boy's voice cracked, "I thought everything could go back to normal. I was so stupid," Roxas whispered.

"You're not stupid Roxas," Cloud promised his brother though he knew it wouldn't really help. "If Axel loves you, you'll see him again, I promise," the boy said and hugged his brother as Roxas sobbed, holding onto that last piece of hope.

* * *

**A/N: Tily: If Kit wasn't ill I'd kill her right now for this one.**

**Kit: No you wouldn't, I have more writing to do!**

**Demyx: Anyway she needs reviews so Square will give her another special guest so don't forget to leave some. ^^**

**Kit: They'll also make me feel better. Thanks guys. 3  
**


	7. Depression

Well hello there, it's been a while :3 Far too long but I got my lazy ass in gear and look! A chapter! 8DD

Tily: I never thought I'd see this.

Kit: Me either... I hate it anyway.

Luxord: Did that rum make you feel better? *hic*

Kit and Tily: ...

Kit: *Points at Luxord* This is who I get? Damn you Square!

Luxord: *Hic* ... *passes out.

Kit: For the love of -!

Tily: Um yeah... you guys read the story, we'll handle this. Square owns the characters including drunk Luxord here. Kit owns the story. Enjoy! ^^

* * *

Roxas let Sunday go by without much drive to do anything. For the first time in a long time he had a day to himself, to stay in, though it wasn't as relaxing as he'd always wanted it to be. It was far from it. A day of absolute depression, and the blond decided not to remove himself from his bed - and thankfully everyone left him alone for the most part.

He dreaded Monday, the thought of having to go back to school only dampened his already crushed spirits as he got up, extremely reluctant. After all, even though he confined himself to his room, Roxas had barely slept at all the past couple of days. His insomnia had made him used to having no sleep, but he got up even more drained than normal.

"You okay Rox?" Cloud asked the boy early Monday morning and the blond didn't answer, making his way to the fridge to remove a carton of orange juice that he didn't even want to drink. "Guess that was a stupid question," the older boy said, more to himself than his brother. "You know kiddo, I'm sure gramps will let you take the day off school, if you need it."

Roxas shook his head, he needed to be strong, and skipping school wasn't a way to do that. "I'll be ok," the younger blond promised weakly. Besides, there was someone he really needed to talk to. "I've got to get going, I want to catch Sora before school starts," the boy admitted and drank the juice he'd poured quickly, making his empty stomach churn uncomfortably, though he didn't care. He gave a small wave to Cloud before finally leaving.

The school was really quiet when Roxas arrived. The blond had not realised just how early it was when he'd left the house, as he was now standing in a practically empty school yard. He sighed, deciding to make his way to the cafeteria; no one would be there this early in the morning. The room was set out in it's usual lunch attire for the stressed senior students who -like Roxas- arrived just a little bit too early.

The blond sighed as he sat at an empty table and flipped his phone open, texting his brunet friend to see if he would be around early. Once that was done, he laid his head on his arms on the cold, plastic table. He just wanted to sleep. "Morning Roxas, didn't expect to see you here."

The boy in question looked up at his greeter and smiled weakly at Zexion, who took a seat across the table. "Morning," he mumbled back, he wasn't in the mood to put up any sort of façade, and in front of Zexion it wouldn't matter all that much anyway, the guy was too smart to believe Roxas' poor attempts at looking "ok."

"Is something bothering you?" the slate haired boy asked and the blond could have rolled his eyes, he knew Zexion was trying to act oblivious on Roxas' account.

"You could say that," he admitted, moving to sit up properly again to look at his friend.

"Well… even if it's just for the gesture, according to Demyx I'm a good listener; if you need me."

Roxas gave another weak smile. "Thanks Zexion," the blond sighed, rubbing his hands over his face in an attempt to rid some of his depression, sadly, it wasn't working, much to the boy's dismay. "It's… Axel," Roxas finally admitted, and the confession made his heart clench.

"Ah, well, that was unexpected. I presumed that after meeting again, the both of you would be happy. So something didn't go as planned?" Roxas shook his head. Nothing had gone as planned. "You shouldn't worry," Zexion continued, "you're the most loving couple I've ever seen, I'm sure whatever happened can be worked out."

Oh, how Roxas wished that was the case, even this would probably shock Zexion. "I think he's with someone else." The blond looked up and was met with a blank expression. Evidently, the slate haired boy was shocked, but before Roxas could continue his phone began to ring. He looked at the device to see a text from Sora. "I have to meet Sora; you can come with me, if you'd like."

Zexion shook his head no, "I have to wait here for Demyx otherwise… well… his imagination runs wild with paranoia," the boy smirked, amused, as Roxas said goodbye before leaving.

"Morning Rox!" Sora called from beside Riku's car, said silverette standing with his boyfriend as they waited for their friend. "What's going on?" he asked.

_'Too much,'_ the blond thought with a sigh, his expression somewhat grim. "I, uh… I went to see Axel," Roxas answered, getting straight into the subject and his friends' expressions became shocked.

"Really? That's great!" Sora cheered but was stopped as Riku rested his hand on the brunet's shoulder.

"Sora," he said, gaining his boyfriend's attention and shook his head. Obviously that wasn't the reaction Roxas was going for right now. "Roxas, what happened?" Riku went on, said blond sighing glumly, knowing he had to tell them. Maybe they could help.

"I actually went to see Reno to find out if he knew anything about where Axel had been but… Axel turned up unexpectedly with-" Roxas swallowed the lump forming in his throat, just thinking about the whole thing was killing him inside. "W-with a girl," he admitted and the pair blanched, obviously they could think up the rest themselves.

"Roxas," Riku breathed out sympathetically but Sora shook his head in disbelief.

"Nope," he gave an incredulous shake of his head, "no way, I won't accept it. Roxas," the brunet placed his hands on his best friend's shoulders with absolution burning in his eyes. "There's got to be a reason and we'll find out what it is. Axel loves you, I know it!"

Roxas gave a small, shaky smile. He wasn't so sure about that. "Trust us," Riku joined in reassuringly and the blond nodded. He would always trust them. And hopefully… they were right.

********

The rest of the morning was uneventful, Roxas spent most of his time trying to keep himself awake -especially through Vexen's class, which the blond found almost impossible with the man's horrid drone.- Roxas finally gave a relieved sigh as he dropped himself into a seat across from Sora in the cafeteria at lunch, letting himself relax a little. "Rough morning?" Sora questioned around a mouth full of sandwich, receiving a tired nod in response. The brunet didn't even know the half of it. "Riku called," he continued, gaining Roxas' full attention and Sora placed his food back on the plate in front of him. "Axel came home today and took a bit of a hissy fit when he found out the two of us had seen you before him," he chuckled, though Roxas' stomach churned at the thought. "Riku asked him about this girl but Axel wouldn't say anything about her, just said he really wants to see you." Sora's eyes were encouraging but the blond only paled. He couldn't take seeing Axel right now. There was just no way. "You need to see him Rox, you can't go on like this," Sora tried to convince his friend, whom only shook his head.

"I can't Sora," the blond answered and the heartbreak in his voice made Sora wince. Roxas was hurting bad, that much was obvious. "I can't see him yet."

The brunet nodded his understanding sadly. "Just… promise me you _will_ talk to him eventually. You know things can't stay like this," Roxas nodded a silent promise and Sora smiled encouragingly.

Though none of this made Roxas feel any better, he knew he had to see Axel again and get this over and done with but… to think they might not be together was terrifying. Roxas always knew the redhead deserved to be happy, and if this was the only way that it could happen then he would let him go… But...

Roxas could only think 'but'. But, he still loved Axel. But, he didn't want the redhead to be with anyone else, and he could only admit his selfishness to himself. And he would be selfish. Because, no matter what, he wanted to be with Axel, and that would never change.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was pointless, time consuming and just... blah B|**

**Luxord: I liked it!**

**Kit: ¬¬ Did you even read it?**

**Luxord: ... no.**

**Kit: I'm going to kill him.**

**Tily: Oh god. Just... please review. Kit's sorry for not replying to the wonderful reviews she gets but she's greatful for them all and will start responding.**

**Kit: Promise!  
**


	8. Please

Quick update! :D Go me! XP

Kit: At least this one's not a filler ) I hate fillers.

Tily: It better be good then.

Marluxia: When do I get to be back in a chapter? *pouts*

Kit: I don't know leave me alone! D:

Marluxia: *sigh* Anyway, lets see what happens this time. If Vexen's in here without me I'll be upset!

Tily: ^^; Square own the characters, Kit owns the story.

* * *

Roxas' mood continued to stay in a constant state of depression for the next couple of days. He didn't have a reason to be happy right now, and no matter how much his friends tried to comfort him, it just wasn't helping. "Cheer up kid, I'm the only one allowed to scare away the customers; remember?" Xigbar jokingly said to Roxas on Thursday afternoon, making the spacey blond give a sigh and a weak smile. "Not your best, but at least it's something," the eye-patched man mumbled, giving Roxas' hair a ruffle of reassurance and one of his creepy grins before walking off to serve a new customer.

The blond sighed, resting with his back against the counter as he waited for the jingle of the door. He knew he should be happier, personal problems weren't really something you were supposed to carry around at work, but he couldn't really help it. And as long as Sephiroth didn't see him, he'd be fine.

Roxas broke away from his thought as he suddenly felt an impact in his side by whatever it was, scaring the life out of him. He turned towards the assaulter with an angry look before realising who it was clinging to him. "Yuffie?"

"Oh my god, it really _is_ you Roxas!" she laughed, tightening her grip on the boy, who let the air out of his lungs with a huff, trying his best to breath again.

"Yuffie… Can't breath," the blond gasped, making the raven haired girl let go with an embarrassed giggle.

"Sorry Roxas, it's just so good to see you again! It's been forever! I didn't think you were coming back," she explained and the blond gave a small smile.

"Like I couldn't come back," he rolled his eyes at her. "It's good to see you too. Where's the rest of the gang?" Roxas asked, scanning the area and finding no other blitzers in sight.

"They're coming later, the old seniors have work and everyone else has after school classes," she shrugged.

"You wriggled your way out of that one, huh?" Roxas laughed as Yuffie pouted. "I'll come and take your order in a minute," he finished and, with a grin, the raven haired girl bounced away to a table.

"That's the Roxas I'm talking about," Xigbar commented as he walked past the boy, who walked away to take Yuffie's order and to clear a few empty tables on his way back before taking her a drink. "Hey Rox, the dish washers playing up and we're running out of cups. If I bring a few crates through here can you help dry them?" Xigbar asked the boy, who nodded in recognition.

"Sure, as long as you take my orders," Roxas smirked and though the man sighed, he agreed.

"Brat," he complained, throwing a dish towel at the blond and smirking as it hit Roxas in the face. The boy frowned as Xigbar walked away with a triumphant grin.

********

The blond found himself spacing out as he cleaned the cups mechanically. The repetitive motions were somewhat soothing, and, much to his relief, was finally half way through the last crate; he'd rather take orders than do this.

Roxas picked up another cup, continuing his task, though his ministrations were interrupted by a tap on his shoulder and, in response, he stuttered, almost dropping the thing in his hand. He turned to see who had tapped him. The blond was glad the cup was already on the table by the time he'd turned to completely face the person who had startled him, otherwise it really would have gone crashing to the floor.

In front of him was one person he never thought he'd see again, not to mention the last person he ever wanted to see. She was smiling at him, her blue eyes bright, her black hair shimmering in the sun light seeping in through the large windows, and Roxas was speechless. What was she doing here? "You're Roxas, right? I'm Xion."

He knew that. He couldn't forget that name. The name of a girl who had stolen away Axel's heart. But still, Roxas could say nothing. "I want to talk to you about Axel. Do you have a minute?" she asked politely.

"Sorry, I'm working," Roxas built up the courage to say, breaking him out of his stupor so he could turn towards the crate of cups and away from the girl.

"I just need you to listen to me, please. I think you've got this all wrong," she started and Roxas tried so hard not to listen, he couldn't listen, he didn't want to hear anything she had to say. "I need you to see Axel, he's been hysterical for the past few days-"

"I can't," Roxas interrupted without meeting her eye. "This doesn't have anything to do with me anymore," he went on and received a dejected sigh in response.

"Roxas, it isn't what you think. It seems I can't convince you, but I'm telling you the truth. Axel needs you."

"I have to go," the blond mumbled, marching away and into the kitchen.

Xion sighed again as she watched Roxas disappear, "is there something I can get you poppet?" Xigbar asked as he carried a tray back to the counter and she shook her head.

"No, thank you. I was just leaving." She smiled at the man before finally leaving.

"Something wrong?" Paine asked Roxas as he stormed into the kitchen and pressed himself against the door. He looked at her, quickly trying to hide his panic, and gave an unsure smile.

"It's nothing." She knew he was lying. So did Roxas. Everything was wrong right now. He still couldn't believe Xion had just turned up and asked Roxas to see Axel. Why would she do that? Roxas couldn't do anything anymore, and seeing Axel now would kill him. He still needed time to let go. "Think I can take my break now?" The blond wondered, both him and Paine looking up at the clock. She nodded.

"I'm sure Xigbar can handle it," she answered and Roxas nodded, making his way to the staffroom and flipping open his phone.

_"Hey Rox,"_ the voice greeted the blond from the other end and he sighed. Thank god Sora had his phone with him.

"Hey Sora, sorry if I'm bothering you, I just need someone to talk to."

_"Don't worry about it Rox, you're my best friend so I'm always going to answer whenever you need me. Is something up?" _the brunet asked and Roxas took a deep breath, preparing for the reaction he was going to get from Sora regarding the information he was about to share.

"Xion just came to the café," the blond answered and held his breath as the phone went silent.

_"Riku!"_ Roxas winced, moving the phone away from his ear as Sora called for his boyfriend - though the blond couldn't help but laugh a little. He heard some commotion as Sora walked to find the silverette and the mumbling of a conversation before…

_"What did she say?"_ Riku asked bluntly, though Roxas had expected this to happen.

"She… wants me to see Axel," the blond confessed and once again there was a pause of silence over the phone.

_"Are you going to?"_ the silverette asked, _"he has been asking about you for the past couple of days, this is the first time he's been home for so long since he digressed the second time."_ This information relieved the blond, at least Axel was home and safe, even if he was being a nuisance to their friends.

"I know… but..." Roxas sighed in frustration. "I don't know," he admitted.

_"I suggest you think about it tonight, maybe talk to Cloud about it too, but don't do it if you don't want to Roxas. We all know it'll happen eventually but it's your choice."_ Roxas gave a small, sad smile.

"Thanks Riku. Listen, I've got to get back to work, I'll talk to you later; and tell Sora thanks, too."

_"Anytime Roxas, we'll see you later."_

********

Once home Roxas heaved a sigh of relief. It had been a long day, not to mention he had studying to do - as if there wasn't enough on his mind already. "Hey kiddo," Cloud said, greeting his brother, who smiled. "Work ok?"

"Work is work," Roxas replied. He'd decided against telling Cloud about the incident with Xion, his brother had to put up with enough from Roxas and his current depression, so he didn't want to make it worse. "I've got studying to do so I'm just going to take some snacks up to my room," he informed his brother, who nodded.

"Sure thing, we're just watching TV so you're not missing out on much." Roxas nodded, walking into the kitchen as Cloud returned to the living room. He finally made his way to his bedroom, trudging tiredly up the stairs before Cloud grabbed his attention again. "Oh and Roxas," said blond turned to look at his brother. "Axel called again." Roxas' stomached turned. Why? Why couldn't Axel let this go without the guilt and hurt? It would be better for both of them if it was left the way it was. "Just thought I'd let you know kiddo."

Roxas replied with a barely noticeable smile. "Thanks Cloud," he said and his brother nodded before walking back into the living room as Roxas continued on his way up the stairs.

Roxas attempts at studying seemed futile. He'd been sitting for an hour now just tapping his pencil against his text book. There was no room in his head for Math work. Today's events kept running through his mind and the main source of them all was, of course, Axel.

"Axel," the blond sighed out. The redhead hadn't left his mind, and it seemed like everyone else was making sure he wouldn't, either.

It wasn't supposed to be this complicated. Sure, Roxas knew it was going to be a rocky start but… everything wasn't supposed to just crumble from underneath him. He gave another sigh, tilting his head back and closing his eyes, letting his thoughts run wild until he heard a tapping from… outside? That didn't seem right, and out of curiosity the blond stood up from his chair and made his way over to his window. Opening them and peering suspiciously out into the back garden when Déjà vu hit him like a ton of bricks, making Roxas gasp.

What was he doing here? Why? Why was this happening? "Roxas," even as a whisper, that voice pulled at his heart string's and Roxas' eyes grew wider. "Roxas please, don't go anywhere. Listen to me."

He didn't have to say all that. The blond couldn't move. His feet were glued to the floor, he was stuck where he stood, and as much as he wanted to leave, he couldn't. "Why are you here Axel?" Roxas managed to squeak out past the lump in his throat. He didn't care that tears were rolling down his cheeks, twinkling as if they were stars in the moonlight. But, these tears were nowhere near as beautiful. They were only heart breaking. And as Axel stared up at the crying blond, his own heart broke again.

"Please, don't do this Roxas." Axel begged making the blonde's already wobbly emotional state flare with anger.

"What am I doing Axel?" He cried, wiping rapidly at his red cheeks to try and rid himself of the tears that didn't want to stop falling. "I'm allowed to cry now, after everything," Roxas continued to sob. "Go home Axel, you don't need me anymore."

With that Roxas turned away towards his bedroom again. "Wait, Roxas!" The redhead called frantically. Roxas couldn't just leave, not now. He had to understand what was going on. "Damn it," Axel cursed, making his way over to the trellis beside the back door and shakily climbed it to reach Roxas' balcony. But, he was too late. The blond had already closed and locked the doors, drawing the curtains; so no one could see inside. The redhead sighed heavily, pressing his arms against the glass and sliding onto his knees.

He knocked lightly on the glass, one piece of hope left that Roxas might change his mind. Though, doubtful he would, Axel could only listen to those heart wrenching sobs. "Please Roxas," he said again, "I love you."

Inside the blond sat against the wall beside the windows. He was sick of this. All of this hurt, he just wanted everything to be the way it was, but… that wasn't going to happen now. He listened as Axel spoke and heard the whisper of those three words he'd longed to hear once more, his eyes growing wide and he shakily stood, peering out through a gap in the curtains to look for Axel, however… he was gone, and a new flood of tears started again as Roxas stared out of the window. "I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: Well... yeah.**

**Tily: I... can't believe you did that.**

**Marluxia: oooo drama! Now I'm interested.**

**Kit: Being the queen of drama I'm not surprised you like it. *mumbles***

**Marluxia: Stop being so uptight.**

**Kit: You're dead Marluxia!**

**Tily: Leave reviews for more guests and to make her happy!**

**Marluxia: Do it and I might get more screen time! :D**

**Kit: Not if I kill you first!  
**


	9. Zack the advice guru?

Chapter 9! Even during my internal anarchy I got out a chapter. (:

Tily: I'm proud of you actually, you've been having a rough time.

Kit: That's life. Anyway I kind of apologise for the sort of filler... but it is relevant! And I enjoyed writing it regardless. (:

Zexion: ...Do I want to know how or why I'm here?

Kit: Just stand there and look pretty Zexy. C:

Tily: ...We won't be getting a response from her for a while. Square owns the chatacters and Kit owns the story. Enjoy the chapter!

* * *

He dragged his feet, drained, depressed and sleepy. Nothing was going right, nothing at all, and it hadn't been going right for three weeks.

Not since…

"Morning kiddo," Cloud greeted somewhat awkwardly, worried about his brother because Roxas had been acting more down than ever in the past few weeks and the older blond had no idea why.

But, Roxas knew. He knew why his studying wasn't sticking in his mind, knew why he was barely eating and why he confined himself to his room. It was because of Axel. Once the redhead had told Roxas he loved him, the blond hadn't seen or heard from him. Riku had explained that Axel had returned to the apartment looking like a dead man walking and hadn't spoken a word since. Nor had he left his room, with the exception of getting something to eat.

Roxas just didn't get it, any of it. Axel still loved him, yet, he'd stopped trying to see him. Even though this should all be finished with and Axel should be happy he can stay with Xion now, without having to worry about the blond, he was depressed instead. All of this swirled around in Roxas' head, and as much as he talked to Riku, Sora, (and even Demyx about it!) it still made no sense.

"Morning," Roxas finally acknowledged his brother. That was another thing increasing the blonde's depression. He felt bad for not telling Cloud anything, and he could tell the boy was worried for him, but Roxas just couldn't bare telling his older brother about everything that was going on in his life, he had enough to deal with without Roxas' problems.

"Any plans for today?" Cloud responded as he tried to continue the conversation and Roxas nodded sadly. Unfortunately yes, he did have plans. Graduation was in four days and the group of seniors had decided to buy presents for one another. They decided to pick a name out of Demyx's lunch box to make it random, so they each only had to buy one present to save money.

"I've got to go shopping for a graduation present for Sora," he answered.

"Is everyone going with you?" Roxas shook his head, he didn't want to be around anyone today; there would be enough people at the mall, and that was more than enough. "Well, as strange as this sounds, Zack wants to talk to you," the younger blond gave Cloud a curious look. Why would Zack want to talk to him? "So, is it ok if he goes with you? I'm not sure what he wants to talk about, though." He sighed, because as much as he had tried to convince the raven to tell him, Zack wouldn't budge and the fact that the male had a secret, and was flaunting it in Cloud's face. The fact he didn't know was driving the elder blond crazy.

"Sure," Roxas agreed, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Ok, I'll call him," Cloud grinned, taking out his phone and walking away.

********

Roxas took his time getting dressed and cleaned up, plastering on a less depressed face and, even though he grimaced as he looked at himself in the mirror, (his obviously fake happiness sickening him) he kept the façade up and made his way downstairs.

He found Zack and Cloud sitting in the living room and stood at the door, gaining the couple's attention. "You ready?" The raven asked with a smile and, as reluctant as he was, Roxas nodded -thinking maybe Zack's perky nature wasn't something he should have agreed to walking around the mall with today.

"See you later," Zack said to Cloud as he turned to his boyfriend and kissed him chastely on the lips. Roxas couldn't help look away as he felt his heart plummet and lodge itself in his stomach, causing his chest to twinge with pain. He didn't feel like this because it was Cloud, -he would always be happy for his brother- it was only the realisation that he couldn't have the love those two shared, not like he used to. The way it used to be with Axel.

"Come on then shorty," Zack continued to grin as he approached the younger blond and Roxas waved a small goodbye to Cloud before they left the house.

Zack had insisted they take his car since it was still 'new and shiny,' and with that brand of logic, would not take no for an answer, so Roxas spent the drive staring out of the passenger window blankly. He just wanted today -like every other day- to be over already. "So, what are you looking for?" Zack questioned once they both climbed out of the car at their destination, and Roxas shrugged.

"It's for Sora so I'm not totally sure yet," he admitted receiving an understanding nod from the raven.

********

"So what's your deal?" Roxas asked as he picked up another trinket to examine and to finally deem it unfitting for Sora.

Zack looked at the blond with fake obliviousness and Roxas rolled his eyes. "Cloud told me you wanted to talk to me about something, so what is it?" He asked again and the raven 'oh'd'.

"I just wanted to see how things were going. I haven't spoken to you much since you came home," Zack shrugged, feigning interest in a small money box in the shape of a tall, yellow bird. "And you know… Reno told me about Axel."

Roxas' heart dropped again, this time melting in his stomach acid as he thought about Axel. He'd tried over the past week not to bring up the subject of the redhead, and his friends had silently obliged to keep that subject locked away… But, Zack wasn't really the same, he hadn't seen Roxas to realise how much of a fragile subject this really was.

"O-oh," the blond stuttered, feeling his voice crack slightly, he hadn't realised he'd been fiddling with the thin, imitation silver chain necklace he was holding until it snapped and Roxas stared at the trinket, ignoring the chain to stare at the dangling object itself. It was irrational for the blond to think anything of it, but he couldn't help himself. It was a heart, hollow in the middle but made out of the same cheap silver. Half of it was studded with blue, plastic crystals, the other half green, and the intensity of the colour only brought Axel's eyes to mind.

"You break it, you buy it kid," the plump shop keeper frowned at Roxas as the chain fell to the floor and the blond hurried to pick it up.

"S-sorry," Roxas apologised, passing the man the money before scurrying out of the shop with Zack on his heels.

"You ok Rox?" The raven asked once the younger male stopped and let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. Roxas nodded silently, not trusting his voice enough to answer. "I'm sorry for bringing it up," he apologised, "but Roxas, Cloud's worried about you, and I only want to help. You're like a little brother to me too you know."

Roxas looked up and gave Zack's encouraging look a small, wavering smile. He really was grateful to him for this, but the blond didn't really know what to say. "Thanks Zack," he finally said to the raven who placed his hands in his pockets.

"How about we grab something to drink? You can tell me about it." Roxas couldn't say no to the heartened look Zack gave him. Maybe the raven really could help, he was sure to have had more experiences with love than Roxas had and could supply some sort of sanctuary for the blond, so he nodded and let the smiling raven guide him away.

They both took seats at a table beside a smoothie bar and set down their drinks as Roxas proceeded to fiddle with his straw, feeling somewhat sick with nerves. He'd never really talked about everything that had happened since he'd returned, and the thought that he was going to actually pour his heart out… to Zack… in a crowded mall... well, it was slightly unnerving for the blond.

Roxas wasn't surprised at Zack's bluntness when the raven came straight out and said 'what happened?' but he wasn't totally prepared for it either. 'Where to start?' The blond thought to himself with a sad sigh. "Before we do this I want you to promise me something," Roxas started and Zack gave a quizzical look but said nothing, waiting for the blond to continue. "Don't tell Cloud."

Zack's blue eyes turned uncertain and the raven sighed, "but Roxas he's worried about you too," the blond shook his head against the reasoning.

"I know that, but he doesn't need my problems, he already has work to stress over, and he told me about Leon and Tifa's break-up." Zack stared at Roxas' pleading look before finally giving up with an dejected nod. "Thanks Zack. I'll tell him, but I don't want to do it yet."

"As long as you do tell him, it's all good with me Shorty."

Roxas nodded his gratitude and took a deep breath. There was no escape now, from Zack or himself. He'd been trying so hard to push each event to the back of his mind and get on with his life, and though it had proved somewhat unsuccessful, Roxas had managed to scrape by without thinking too hard about this whole scenario. But now Zack wanted to know about it, and to tell the story, the blond would have to open up those poorly tended to wounds he'd tried so hard to ignore, hoping that without caring for them that they might just disappear on their own. That, evidently, was not the case.

Roxas started from the beginning, he told Zack about Xigbar's announcement that Axel had been around with a 'poppet' and how Roxas had taken to it, then about their eventual meeting and finally the balcony incident from three weeks ago.

Each part of the story ripped Roxas apart inside little by little and he fought long and hard against his rising emotions. He hadn't actually realised just how bad everything was until he placed every event down and recalled them all, and the only thing he could think was the same thing that had run through his mind since everything started. 'This is all wrong'.

Zack sat back and listened wordlessly until the blond finally stopped. They both sat in silence for a moment, the raven processing everything and Roxas letting himself wallow in his own misery. "I noticed something," Zack finally spoke up, taking a sip from his raspberry smoothie before sitting more comfortably and staring at Roxas who turned to look at the other male. "We don't even know who Xion is."

Roxas' expression twisted. Didn't know who she was? She was the girl who had taken Axel's heart, that was clear enough. "Don't look at me like that Roxas, because I'm right. No one has explained who she is, no one has even said 'Xion is Axel's girlfriend.' "

This true fact hit Roxas head on and it continued to beat him upside the head. Zack was, in fact, right. No one had said anything about Axel and Xion's relationship, the blond had always just presumed that they were together. But, surely they had to be, that could be the only reason for Axel's new-found happiness… right?

"But… they were laughing together," was Roxas' poor defence and the raven shook his head in disappointment.

"Roxas, stop trying to find excuses for your blindness," Zack chuckled and the blond sent him a deathly glare that went unacknowledged. "Just let him explain, it's something you haven't done so far, and Axel at least deserves that much." Roxas' unsure expression only made Zack give a single, tired laugh. "You have to face him. Sooner or later, and later is never a good thing."

"But I... I don't know what to say," the blond admitted with a frustrated clip in his voice and Zack shrugged.

"You'll know when the time comes, and you might not have to say anything at all as long as you listen to him." Roxas took in Zack's genuine smile and nodded. Maybe he was right.

"Speaking of later, we should get going. I think that bird will be perfect for Sora," the raven grinned and Roxas couldn't help but send him a small but genuine smile and a nod of agreement.

They both made their way back to the shop, the plump cashier giving Roxas a distrustful look as he watched the blond walk over to the ornament, taking it to the checkout counter to pay for. He left the shop, relieved that he hadn't managed to break anything else, and walked back to the car with Zack.

"Thanks, Zack," Roxas finally said to the male as they passed the beach on the drive home and the raven turned briefly to ruffle the blonde's hair.

"Don't worry about it Shorty, anything to get a smile on that little face of yours," he laughed loudly and Roxas pouted, but couldn't help his smile.

He'd do this. As soon as Graduation was over, he'd see Axel.

********

"By the way, I almost forgot about these," Zack perked up as the pair got out of the car and walked up the porch and he patted himself down before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out two brightly coloured tickets which he handed to the puzzled blond. "They're the carnival tickets I owed you from last year, I never did give them to you."

Roxas smiled gratefully at Zack again. "And even after I got you a date with my brother," the blond smirked light heartedly and the raven nudged him.

"I think that in itself is worth more than those tickets, but it'll do for now," Zack gave his own smirk and laughed as they made their way into the house.

* * *

**A/N: I realise I don't actually give enough credit to my awesome Beta who corrects all of my silly mistakes and makes my chapters look all nice and sparkly. (: So thank you Kitty! You're far too awesome.**

**Tily: Wow... I never thought I'd read Zack giving advice... I like it. (:**

**Kit: Oh good. I want the chocobo money box he picked up!**

**Zexion: Can I go home yet?**

**Kit: *sigh* You're so boring Zexion! Demyx was more fun than you!**

**Zexion: ... Demyx was here?**

**Tily: Anyway, review for Kit so she gets out of her rut and writes until the end. ^^**

**Thanks for reading! =^^=**


	10. Graduation

Heh, well, this has been left a while hasn't it. ^^;

Sorry for such a late upload. Just so you all know I will definitely be finishing this story I just have a lot to do and it could take me a while.

Saix: Will you get on with it already.

Kit: Don't push me Saix, Xemnas said I can do anything I want with you.

Saix: ...

Kit: That's better. C:

Tily: Kit owns the story, Saix and all other characters belong to Square Enix, though I'm not sure they'll have Saix for much longer if he's not careful. ^^;

* * *

"Will you stop fidgeting! And leave the shirt collar alone!" Cloud finally snapped after twenty long minutes of annoyed glances, as his younger brother fiddled with every part of his suit and the gown in his hand, sighing contentedly when Roxas sat on his hands while his older brother drove to their current—and somewhat daunting for Roxas—destination.

Graduation.

'_Graduation.'_ Roxas rolled the word around in his mind. Wow, surely he wasn't graduating already; had he really been in America for that long? "I'm nervous," Roxas admitted in a low, blank tone, unsure of whether he was saying it as an excuse towards his fidgeting, or as a general expression of thought. Either reason didn't change the fact that he was, indeed, nervous.

"Nervous? You should be excited! Graduation means no more school!" the older blond tried encouragingly, but Roxas only rolled his eyes. No more school, just harder work at college. What was exciting about _that_?

"Stop being grumpy already and at least _try_ to look happy while you're there," Cloud continued to pester Roxas, who took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Maybe Cloud was right… for once.

"Alright already," Roxas mumbled and his brother smiled, lifting his right hand to ruffle Roxas' hair with a laugh as the younger blond batted his hand away and proceeded to fuss over his hair.

"Roxas!"

"Oh god," the blond braced himself, planting his feet firmly to the ground and giving himself leverage for Sora's inevitable tackle –especially when the brunet sounded _that_ excitable. It came quickly with harsh impact, but still managed to make Roxas laugh at his friend's excitement as Sora latched himself onto the blond and squeezed him in elation.

"Can you believe it? We finally graduated, isn't this awesome!" The gleam in the brunet's eyes was blinding and the blond smiled at Sora.

"Yeah, it's great," Roxas answered with encouragement, though he wasn't even fractionally as enthusiastic about it as Sora was. He was just glad it was over and he hadn't embarrassed himself by tripping on stage or something. "Congratulations Sora."

"Yeah congrats Sora. You too, Roxas." Both boys turned around to the approaching voice and each smiled at Demyx and Zexion.

"We graduated Demyx, us!" Sora chimed with a wide grin as he proceeded to happily body slam his other blond friend, and this time succeeded in knocking them both to the ground with a loud thud and a round of laughter which emanated from the pair.

"Congratulations Zexion," Roxas smiled at the slate haired boy as he approached and stood with the shorter blond, both of them ignoring the giggling heap that was Sora and Demyx to save their sanity.

"Thanks, you too," Zexion replied with a small, subtle smile.

"So, how are we celebrating?" Demyx asked once he and Sora had untangled themselves and finally stood up.

"You're coming out with us, of course!" The new voice took the group's attention and they turned to see Yuffie grinning at them all: Hayner, Pence, Olette, Kairi and Naminé all following the bubbly raven.

"I hope I'm invited," the new addition of Riku's voice chimed in as he wrapped an arm around a now blushing Sora and Roxas wondered if his friends had just started appearing out of the ground like Gnomes.

"You're always invited, Riku," Yuffie replied with a roll of her light blue eyes and she giggled. "We're going out for food so we're leaving soon, if you guys are coming." They all nodded in synchronicity and Roxas turned back to look at Sora and Riku just as the silveret kissed his boyfriend's temple, making Sora smile bashfully.

"You skipped the ceremony?" Roxas questioned accusingly, raising an eyebrow at his friend who shrugged.

"I've sat through that torture once there's no way I'd do it again for your benefit," Riku replied with a smirk and the blond rolled his eyes. "By the way, Roxas," Riku continued, his tone taking on a more serious note as he tilted his head to the left a little. "Someone wants to see you; perhaps you should talk before we go."

Roxas frowned in confusion and looked over Riku's right shoulder; his eyes widening slightly as he spotted familiar black hair and shocking blue eyes. In that moment, Roxas began to panic, feeling his heart race nervously before a hand was placed on his shoulder comfortingly and Riku gave it a reassuring squeeze as Xion looked at the blond with pleading eyes. "You should go over," the silveret tried to encourage the blond whose internal battle wasn't exactly agreeing with Riku at the moment, though Zack's words kept resonating through his mind. "I'll let Cloud know."

"Come on guys, let's eat! I'm starving," Yuffie called impatiently and Roxas turned his attention to the group with a debating frown.

The blond turned to look at Riku and gave a short, decided nod. "Go ahead I'll catch up!" He finally called and began to walk away towards the car park beside the school.

Once Roxas reached the corner of the building, his palms began to sweat. He had no idea what was going to happen, or what Xion would say. What if she told him to stay away from Axel? Then again, neither male was having any difficulty with doing that so far.

"Roxas." The soft call of his name caught the blond off guard and he stumbled over his feet as he approached Xion, dropping his gaze to the muddy ground below their feet. Regardless of Zack's words, Roxas still had a horrible feeling about this. "I, um-" the girl stuttered nervously and Roxas shifted his gaze up slowly, feeling slightly calmer that he wasn't the only one freaking out here, but at the same time wondering why the raven was so nervous; she was only here to tell Roxas to keep away, that couldn't be all that hard to do.

"I want to apologize," she said calmly, tugging at the hem of her black t-shirt as she spoke and the blonde's expression was no less than shocked. "I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but you have to know the truth. Will you come with me, please?"

As Roxas took in the sincerity in Xion's eyes, he nodded hesitantly and she gave him a small smile before turning on her heels, walking towards the car park.

The blond followed, his curiosity growing by the second along with his nerves and the speed of his churning stomach. He hated that he was walking blindly towards bad answers to even worse questions. But, he had to know, he needed to know what was going on in hopes that he could finally move on; and he had promised Zack he would at least try to let someone explain.

However, what was waiting for Roxas in the car park was not what he had expected and his legs locked in place, halting his walking as he stared, wide-eyed, into familiar green and shocking red.

Axel.

What was he even doing here? After everything that had happened Roxas hadn't expected to see him for a very long time; but here he was. Waiting for him… or waiting for Xion. Roxas found the latter much more probable and he didn't need an explanation anymore. It was as clear as day.

Roxas clenched his fists. Was this it? Had Xion wanted him to follow just so she could rub it in? It seemed like something Larxene would do, but then again Roxas didn't know Xion, perhaps she was just as cruel. "Roxas." The blond didn't look up as Xion spoke his name and he gritted his teeth together. He wanted more than anything to just walk away, but his legs wouldn't budge.

"Axel's here for you, not me, so please just talk to him." Xion's words passed over Roxas, the blond didn't believe her for a second; when he didn't move or reply to the girl sighed, turning away from Roxas to approach Axel, who was staring at the pair skeptically. Roxas glanced up after a long and silent minute to see Axel with his hands shoved deep into his pockets and his shoulders square and tense. He and Xion continued to talk in rushed, low tones until the raven finally threw her arms in the air in irritation before she grabbed Axel by the arm and dragged the bewildered redhead towards Roxas. Xion finally pushed Axel forward once they were closer to the blond and the redhead stumbled forward, catching himself before he bumped into Roxas who stared at him speechlessly.

There was only silence to follow, and it was full of questions and answers that neither of them could voice. Xion watched the pair as her string of patience began to fray and turn into annoyance at the silent boys. "This is going nowhere," she mumbled and with another heavy sigh she marched over and took both of their arms. "You're driving me crazy," she stated to them both as she dragged them towards Axel's car and let go of Roxas' arm. "Roxas, will you get into the passenger side please?" she asked with a sweet smile and the blond found himself complying with her request, worried that her obvious bi-polar attitude might take a turn for the worst if he didn't do as she said.

Roxas walked around the car and sat down against familiar leather seats. The inside of the car had that same smell of cinnamon and coffee it always had and nostalgia rolled over the blond making his heart clench. As he controlled his breathing and tried to stop himself from thinking the worst and having flashbacks, Xion marched Axel around to the driver's side with a resolute frown and shoved him into the car. "Go to the beach or something, talk, and if I see either of you on your own in the next hour, you're both dead." The girl stated, and gave Roxas one small, encouraging smile before she passed Axel his car keys and he started the engine, driving out of the car park and away from the waving raven.

Neither boy really registered what was going on as Axel drove them to the beach. They just sat in silence as the scenery rolled by and blurred what they wondered was reality or just a dream. Roxas wondered if all of this was actually happening at all, that maybe it _was_ a dream, and soon he'd wake up and have to go to graduation all over again—a thought which horrified the blond in itself—but Roxas was worried. What if this was a dream—or nightmare—and Axel disappeared once the blond looked up? Roxas couldn't handle that so he kept his gaze to the window.

His mind was racing so much Roxas barely registered the car stopping until he heard the handbrake crank up (a habit he had told Axel was bad for his car) and everything was completely silent again.

The only noise to follow was a heavy sigh from the redhead, who hadn't looked at Roxas yet either, but now that they were here, someone had to do _something_. Axel knew too well that if no progress was made then Xion would definitely kill them both. But what were they going to do now?

As the thought process ran through Axel's head Roxas glanced up at the redhead, his shoulder were stiff and square, his slim fingers still clutching the steering wheel as he stared out at the rolling waves; however, even though Axel looked so tense Roxas couldn't help but admit that he still looked beautiful.

His expression softened, his pale lips curving at the corners into a subtle but gentle smile as he continued to soak in Axel's perfection and that was when Roxas realized, if this was going to be the end… then he could deal with it, he would listen, and he could live as long as Axel was happy.

That's all he'd ever wanted.

"Axel, I-" the blond started, but stopped and blushed, a small, nervous laugh escaping from his throat after both boys had said each other's names at the same time. An old habit of theirs, except this time, the tones were different. Roxas had been ready to tell Axel that he would listen, his voice accepting, whereas Axel's had sounded desperate, a tone that had never really suited the boy.

Roxas started talking again before the redhead had a chance, "Axel, I just want to let you know that you don't have to worry about me anymore, I've accepted everything, so no matter what it is you say to me, I'm fine with it." The blond gave his old lover a sweet smile. It was slightly forced but who could blame him? He might be accepting heartbreak, and that was no smiling matter.

Axel stared at the blond, he knew the boy was faking that smile; he'd stared at Roxas' face so long he could tell and it made Axel want to cry. Roxas had been so hurt since he returned and he was still trying to make everything O.K. for everyone else.

"Roxas," was all Axel could breathe out in a whisper. He didn't have words right now, so he did the only thing he could think of. With a quick movement, -and without moving his eyes from Roxas- he unbuckled his seatbelt and enveloped Roxas in his arms, an action the redhead had been craving for almost a year now.

"I'm sorry if you don't want me to hug you right now but I'm not letting go," the words made Roxas' heart leap and ache at the same time, he had been fine accepting everything, but once Axel hugged him his resolve cracked, he would let the redhead go, but Roxas never wanted to.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Roxas grabbed the front of Axel's shirt and buried his head into it and his strong shoulder; and if he wasn't trying to be strong Roxas would have cried. So, this was it? "Will you let me explain everything?" the redhead asked, his low voice resonating through Roxas' body and the blond nodded. He would always listen to Axel.

"I guess… the beginning would be a good start."

* * *

**A/N: Well they met. Axel's side of the story next.**

**Saix: I can't believe you made me read this trash. -_-**

**Kit: ...**

**Tily: Oh dear.**

**Kit: Pink bunny. Definitely.**

**Saix: O_O What?**

**Tily: Sorry you guys don't get to see Saix in the pink bunny suit, we'll take pictures. :) Kit appreciates each and every review she gets even if she doesn't have time to reply, she still reads them all and loves everyone who gives them. So please review. Maybe next time -with more reviews- we'll have a better special guest. Fingers crossed for Roxas!  
**


	11. From the beginning

... Seriously?

Um.. hi. It's been a while has it not? ^^; I'm sorry for the **4 month** delay, I'm truely going to try never to do that again. I had all but given up on this chapter though, now that it's out of the way I really hope I can get the rest done.

Tily: Holy crap! I actually thought you'd died!

Kit: You can't get rid of me that easily )

Vexen: How dare you kidnap me! I have rights!

Kit: Do you want me to get Marluxia in here? Because I'll do it!

Vexen: ...

Kit: *sigh* [mumbles] I wanted Roxas

Tily: Kit's not happy with today's special guest, but she wants you to enjoy the chapter. ^_^ Square own the characters, Kit owns the story.

* * *

When Roxas left, the world might as well have gone with him as far as Axel was concerned. He was helpless and knowing that there was nothing he could do, that there was no way to stop this from happening, broke him. So he listened as the only person he had ever loved walked out of the door in tears, (unable to watch without wanting to stop the blond) giving him time –in the bitter silence of loneliness- to cry; like he'd stopped himself doing in front of Roxas. But the blond was not here now, he wouldn't be for a long time, and with that knowledge his tears stung his green eyes and rolled down Axel's cheeks. Because even if it was only for a while, that conversation… had been goodbye.

"Axel?" Riku and Sora entered the apartment again to find it empty, a lone picture frame standing in front of the wall where Axel had been when they had left and the pair already knew this was bad. The redhead was taking this hard and as they exchanged worried glances, Riku sighed. "I'll see how he's feeling," he said and Sora nodded, squeezing his lover's hand gently.

"Be careful, I've seen Axel get upset and it isn't pretty," Sora replied, rubbing his still red and puffy eyes walking to sit on the sofa, his head in his hands and sorrow wracking his body.

Riku walked slowly to Axel's door knowing full well he should just leave the boy alone right now, but this had hit them all pretty hard. Even though he understood why Axel was taking it the worst, he had to let the redhead know that everyone was here for him—that he wasn't alone.

The silveret stood outside Axel's bedroom door and raised his hand, pausing briefly to prepare himself for some sort of onslaught, and knocked. "Axel," he said, but there was no response. So he knocked again, "Axel, can I come in?" again no response and Riku frowned. "I'm coming in," he finally stated and twisted the door knob.

The redhead's room was filled with boxes lining two walls and stacked high, almost as if they were the walls themselves. A bed sat in one corner and a wardrobe in another, but other than that the room was empty. There were no curtains, no pictures, nothing of colour but the blue bed sheets. Blue. Another reminder.

Riku found the redhead not on the bed, like he had expected, but in a ball on the floor. If the room had curtains, they would have been closed and cutting off the sunshine that he knew Axel desperately did not want to see right now. Sunshine was happy, and he definitely was not.

Axel didn't move when the door clicked, he knew why Riku was here, but the silveret would be leaving disappointed. Axel didn't want company, didn't want re-assurance; he wanted to be left alone to wallow in heartbreak and the only way he'd get that to happen was to ignore Riku until he left –an easy feat.

Riku sat down next to the redhead in silence, placing his hand on the boy's shoulder as some form of reassurance, even if it wasn't effective currently.

"I'm sorry, Axel," he said, knowing full well it wasn't his fault, but at least trying to offer some condolence. The boy had just lost his true love after all. "If there's anything you need we're all here for you."

The redhead didn't reply. In fact, he barely even heard Riku's words, his ears were ringing so loudly and everything else was distant to him—he didn't want to listen anymore. After another minute of silence the silveret squeezed Axel's shoulder and stood up, understanding that his friend didn't want company, and left the room.

He wasn't sure how long he lay there; his body had passed the point of discomfort and settled into some kind of comfortable numbness. Eventually Axel let out a long breath and sat up from his position on the floor, scanning his darkening room and the boxes lining his walls, his eyes settling on the box containing his laptop. As he pulled the box away from the pile, the redhead made a resolve: he would make this work. Both him and Roxas, they would get through this, whatever it would take.

He flipped open the lid and turned on his laptop, his back aching with sudden spasms from moving as the screen loaded. With his resolve set in his mind, -battling quite violently with the part of his mind telling him to give up- he opened his e-mails and found Roxas' address, typing the only thing he could think of to make this all feel a little better.

**Roxy,**

**I know this is going to be hard, but we****'****ll get through it until you get back, I promise.**

**I love you so much,**

**Axel.**

Axel sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed his hands over his rugged and unkempt face. He hadn't moved from his room in two days seeing as there wasn't much reason to get up anymore. Riku and Sora had both been there to check on him though the redhead still refused to eat or speak to anyone.

Had it really only been two days? It felt like a lifetime to Axel. He glanced at the clock; from his old geography lessons he knew that there was a five hour time difference and that it would be early afternoon for Roxas. Axel let a melancholy smile cross his lips. _'I wonder what Roxas is doing.'_

With some effort from his weakening and starved body, Axel stood from his bed and walked over to the laptop on his desk and flipped the lid, turning it on and sitting down in his dark room with the curtains still drawn, everything around him was silent, save for the cooling fan of his laptop; a machine which had never been used so much in it's life, yet had never truly been switched off yet.

The little piece of technology had been serving its purpose well lately, having been his only form of contact to Roxas –who had been replying to the redhead's e-mails daily—something which had managed to lighten Axel's heavy heart, if only a little. Knowing that Roxas was ok and still willing to make this work was more than just reassuring. So Axel typed another message for his beloved blond, one which made this feel… _normal_ (or as normal as it could feel under the circumstances).

**Good morning sunshine.**

**I hope you're safe. Tell me about your day when you get home.**

**Forever yours,**

**Axel.**

He rubbed his hand across his face again and sent the message, reading and re-reading his inbox until his eyes hurt and his chest was once again heavy with longing.

This was no way to live, sending e-mails as a sort of morphine to dull this aching heart of his. But, if it kept Roxas close, then he would do nothing else.

Axel's eyes stung when he woke a week after the incident. Light streamed through a small crack in his curtains and hit his face; it should have been warm and comforting but Axel could feel nothing, only the pain it was causing his eyes. He sat up with a groan as voices finally flitted to his ears. It wasn't unusual to hear his roommates talking, but they weren't the only voices Axel could hear today. There was another and it didn't take long for the redhead to register Demyx's voice –and it was hurting.

Out of curiosity, Axel walked over to his bedroom door and opened it enough to hear his blond friend sob, "why didn't he say something? Why didn't he say goodbye?" Demyx questioned thickly though no one could give him those answers.

"He had no choice Demyx; his family took him without notice." Riku tried to explain to his friend who continued to cry on Zexion's shoulder –the boy having agreed to come with Demyx to find out why their friend had disappeared off the face of the earth.

"If he'd had the choice he _would have_ said goodbye to everyone, but he only had time to come here, and the only person he wanted to see was Axel. You have to understand, Demyx, Roxas didn't want any of this."

"I just can't believe he's gone," the sandy blond admitted as his boyfriend rubbed his back in an attempt to calm him down.

"None of us can," Sora added sadly.

"How's Axel?" Demyx asked. At the sound of his name, the redhead opened the door slightly more to hear his friends.

There was only silence to answer that question. It was understandable that Axel had taken this the worst out of everyone, but he had said nothing to Sora or Riku when they attempted to reach out to him. He was like a ghost, and neither of the boys thought Demyx would want to hear that.

"Axel took this hard, he and Roxas truly loved each other after all. He's just in a bad place right now," Riku manoeuvred around the question, and Demyx looked perplexed.

"You mean he's locked himself in his room for a week and won't speak to anyone?" Zexion replied, and Riku sighed at the boy's accurate interpretation.

"We can't blame him," the silveret replied.

"We just want him to know that he's got us, and that we're here for him, but it's not easy when he doesn't want to see or speak to us," Sora added.

Demyx had already started crying again and as Axel closed his bedroom door again, he sighed. Sora and Riku had defended him so much and he was being so unfair to them. He hadn't mentioned to Roxas that he'd been starving himself from food and communication for a week so he decided he'd just bite the bullet and try to get around the apartment more, at least for his friends sake. He would (at least) try to muster that much.

* * *

**A/N: I told you it would be Axel's side of the story this time. C:**

**Tily: I've been looking forward to this, poor Demyx though.**

**Vexen: That annoying number nine's far too emotional for a nobody**

**Kit: *glare!***

**Tily: Oh dear, I better stop Kit before she kills Vexen. Please leave her reviews, even if she doesn't have time to reply they keep her going and always make her smile.**

**Thanks for reading. C:**

**Oh! And tell me who you want to be my special guest next! ^_^  
**


	12. One step at a time

Not quite four months this time but still took a while for the update. Sorry about that. I'm officially finished college now but I'm not going to jynx writing more chapters, I usually tend to do the opposite. :/

Tily: You _have_ been under a lot of stress lately.

Kit: Tell me about it.

Tily: But... I got you a present for passing your course and working so hard.

Kit: Wait, what?

Reno: Hiya! :)

Kit: ...

Reno: ...I think she stopped breathing.

Tily: I give it three seconds. 1.. 2..

Kit: RENO!

Reno: Holy shi-

Tily: Sorry for the long intro. While I try to pry Kit away from Reno you guys should read the chapter ^^ please enjoy. Kit owns the story but Square own the characters (though I fear they may have to pry Reno out of her cold dead hands if they want him back.)

* * *

After eight days of confining himself to his dark and depressing bedroom, Axel finally decided to open his curtains and let the place he was condemned to suffer in breath.

Sun light suddenly flooded his room, illuminating his possessions for the first time in days and though his room was bright –even the dust sparkling in the warmth- the heat that hit Axel's body didn't reach him. It was depressing to the redhead, knowing he was so numbed, but he wasn't expecting a miraculous recovery after he'd only resolved to be fairer to his friends. He sighed and walked over to his computer to write his usual good morning e-mail to Roxas and send it before standing from his chair as quickly as he could, knowing that if he stayed put any longer he'd regress and stay in his room.

When Axel opened his bedroom door he was greeted by the sound of silence, -something he wasn't particularly used to since he'd always managed to drag himself out of bed well after his friends (who would often spend time in the apartment now that school was out) - but he was glad. At least now he could shower and make himself look presentable for his roommates before he saw them, they deserved that much, and Axel doubted they'd want to be around him while he smelled like feet.

The redhead walked quietly over to the bathroom, picking up a bath towel as he went, and turned on the shower once he locked the bathroom door, trying his best not to think about how long it had been since he'd last washed and reminding himself he really needed to do some laundry.

As the soothing sound of hot water trickled down his body and hit the floor, Axel's melancholy set in and he stood under the shower head without moving. It had been over a week since he'd been in this shower, a horrible thought in itself, but not as bad as the reason _why_ he'd stayed in his room. Once again he began to regress, but the water turned cold and the sudden shock had the redhead flinching, so he washed quickly and got out of the shower before his muscles could seize.

As he began to dry himself off, the sound of his roommates' quiet chatter became evident (what with the bathroom being situated beside said boy's bedroom) and Axel couldn't help the twist of nerves he felt in his stomach. What was he going to say to them anyway? 'Sorry for being a depressed recluse for over a week and worrying you all. I hope you'll forgive me'?

The redhead knew that no matter what he said, his friends would forgive him for his depression, but he'd been so cold and closed off that he couldn't find the right words to express how sorry he was. With a sigh, Axel finished shaving away his rough stubble and dressed himself, offering up the choice to just wing it and see what happens. It was the only choice he really had.

The redhead managed to leave the bathroom before the couple got up and he made his way to the kitchen, his stomach rumbling but his appetite less than willing to allow him to eat yet. Thus, he settled for setting everything he needed into the coffee maker and collecting a cup. As he stood there and waited to collect his coffee, his friends' chatter became louder as they exited their room and moved towards the kitchen. Axel's nerves suddenly twisted more knots in his stomach and he swallowed thickly.

"So Leon said Cloud's not returning his ca-" Sora stopped his explanation to his boyfriend once they both stepped into the kitchen and found Axel looking sheepish and shuffling on his feet.

Riku furrowed his brows at Sora's wide eyed and slack jawed expression and turned his attention to where the brunet was looking, surprised to see the taller body out of his room just as much as his boyfriend was.

"H-hey," Axel greeted them and had to clear his throat of the lump which had lodged itself there, breaking the stiflingly awkward silence as the pair stared at him, his gaze now settling to stare at the floor. _'Well… this is uncomfortable. What now Axel?'_

Riku was the first to stop gawking and shifted his body to face the redhead fully. "Morning," he returned, the greeting still in some state of shock. Axel lifted his head to look at Riku with a lopsided smile of apology. He hadn't meant to start the day off with an awkward silence.

"I'm uh, just making some coffee. Do you guys want some?" Axel asked, trying his best to break the tension as the old coffee maker stopped rattling and came to a clunking stop.

"Sure," the silveret smiled. He was happy to see Axel after all, even if the redhead did look thoroughly undernourished and in need of a few days of sleep; it was Axel, and that's all that mattered.

Both boys then turned to look at Sora –who hadn't said anything since he'd entered the room— who was openly gawking at his friend, as if he were an illusion or some impostor. He then looked at Axel sceptically. Was it really him? He then turned to Riku who was giving him a critical look and registered just what the redhead had asked them.

"I'll pass, you made coffee for me once before and I'm _not_ going through that trauma again," the brunet smirked, making Riku frown.

"Come again?" the silveret asked but Sora's cunning smile stayed on his face.

"I'm not getting you out of this one, you signed your own death wish," the brunet's voice was chipper and he skipped over to the cupboard for his Lucky Charms as Riku sat down at the table with a contemplative frown on his face as Axel grabbed another cup.

"Excuse me for not working in a coffee shop," Axel mumbled and took the jug from the machine to pour the black liquid into the cups.

Sora laughed happily and passed the milk to the redhead once he'd drown his cereal in it. "You live with three coffee critics, you've got a lot to live up to," he continued to grin until Riku corrected him.

"Two, Sora," he said and it dawned on the brunet what he'd just said as the awkward atmosphere settled itself once again.

Sora frowned and directed his attention to his feet. "Sorry," he mumbled, mentally beating himself for spoiling the good mood the trio had going.

"It's alright," Axel promised, taking the opportunity to give his own apology. "I'm sorry… for locking myself away. You guys didn't need that."

Both Sora and Riku shared a small smile and the brunet walked over to hug his redheaded best friend. "We're here for you Axel, day and night. We know it's not the same, but we just wanted you to know that."

The redhead returned the comforting gesture and Sora finally let go to sit beside his boyfriend and eat his cereal. He flicked a marshmallow rainbow at Riku as the boy sent a worried glare towards his coffee cup. The marshmallow fell into the cup with a resounding 'plop' and floated there for a little while. "Drink it," the brunet demanded, that mischievous grin never leaving his face and Riku braced himself as he lifted the cup to his lips, glancing over at Axel as he did so to find the boy staring at him expectantly.

Riku did as he was told and took a swig, the warm liquid running down his throat to settle with an unhappy gurgle in his stomach and the silveret held back the reflex to gag, putting on a brave face for the redhead. "It's not bad actually," Riku commented matter-of-factly and Axel smiled as Sora grimaced.

"I'll be in the living room if you guys need me," he said and walked away to leave the two lovers in the kitchen.

"How bad is it?" Sora whispered once Axel was gone and Riku wrinkled his nose.

"I think it's burning a hole through my stomach," the boy replied as the brunet snickered quietly and the silveret sent him a threatening glare. "I was _trying_ to be civilised," he continued in his defence but Sora showed him no pity. "You could have warned me."

"Hell no, I wanted to see this; it's priceless," Sora's laughter became louder as he gasped and clutched at his stomach. Riku had had enough and with a cunning smirk, he began to exact his revenge. The silveret picked up his cup and –without any show of remorse- poured what was left of its contents into Sora's bowl with his Lucky Charms.

The brunet's laughter halted immediately and he frowned angrily at his lover. "This means war."

"Bring it on."

And bring it on Sora did, picking a few marshmallows out of his bowl and sprinkling them into Riku's hair. The silveret's glare was deadly and Sora began wishing he hadn't started anything at all.

As the day pressed on both Riku and Sora left the apartment for work and Axel lounged in the living room. The silence was not soothing, nor was it relieving, and the hole in the redhead's chest was opening itself wider again after having the distraction of Sora and Riku leave him.

As Axel sat back in his chair, he pulled his knees to his chest and stared around the still unfinished room. The picture he'd left was on the wall now, though it was the only wall completely painted. The others were still a mix of yellow close to the ceiling and floor, with a wide band of warm crème in the middle, ragged with paint roller strokes until the other boys could acquire some paint brushes for the rest.

Axel dragged his attention around the room and finally to the fireplace. It held a few picture frames each with photos: one on the left of Riku and Sora when they were in junior high, both beaming at the camera and Riku's hair was considerably shorter than it is now. They both held hands –a surprising sight for the time- and Axel couldn't help but smile a little at them.

But, it was the picture on the right which took most of the redhead's attention and made his heart squeeze uncomfortably with yearning. It was of himself and Roxas at the blonde's birthday. They were just talking, Sora had surprise attacked the boys with Roxas' camera and immediately after said blond had all but pummelled Sora's face in for taking the photo. Once Axel had seen it, however, he begged Roxas to promise not to delete it and the blond could only comply, thanks to the look Axel had given him.

The picture made that hole in the redhead's chest give a reminiscent shudder. That's where Roxas used to be and not even the memory of him could fill a gap this wide.

Axel hadn't even realised that he'd stood from his chair until he set the picture back down on the mantle and brushed his fingers over the glass cover of Roxas' happy face. He just wanted to see it again; instead the redhead had the blonde's teary eyed and torn apart look burned into his mind. The image hurt Axel; Roxas' smile was precious to him. Roxas was precious to him and he wasn't sure if he could do this after all. Without thinking, the redhead shut himself down and curled up on the sofa, willing this feeling of sadness to go away, but it didn't. And it wouldn't, not for a long time.

* * *

**A/N: I feel bad for doing this to Axel, truely.**

**Tily: Did Riku find a sense of humour?**

**Kit: It's been dormant.**

**Reno: What was_ I_ doing when all of this emotional turmoil was going down?**

**Kit: ... I'll get back to you on that.**

**Tily: Please leave reviews, even if Kit can't reply she treasures each review she gets. Oh, and don't tell Reno but I actually tried to get Roxas for today's chapter but Square said we can't have him until the end.**

**Kit: Just say it Reno!**

**Reno: Alright fine. Tell Kit who you want as a guest in the next chapter and... if you review I'll bake you cookies.**

**C: I love my life.**


	13. It's not ok

I say sorry every chapter, so balls to it. University started, god help me.

Tily: I've got to give you credit, you've been trying.

Kit: I want my free time back!

Yuffie: Do you want me to _persuade_ someone to give it to you?

Kit: ... oh please can I take her up on that offer?

Tily: No.

Kit: Yuffie's here on request but she's destroying my bedroom! She agreed to stop if she could introduce the chapter.

Yuffie: This is Kit's story. She doesn't own me or any of the people she writes about but she likes writing anyway. So enjoy the chapter!

* * *

Axel had tried his best to get himself out more after making amends with his roommates; his room had started to feel like a prison, but then again so had the world. He e-mailed Roxas as much as he could without sounding as desperate as he really was, but it did nothing to help his longing –not that he really expected it to– but he could hope. It was all he had now.

The ache in his chest doubled every time Roxas told him that he missed him and that he would be home as soon as he could. As each day passed, the promise of that seemed to hold less and less meaning. He knew Roxas would return, yet each day he wasn't there, it made him a little less hopeful.

**I know everyone will be worried about you, I hope you're talking to them.**

**I'll see you soon.**

**I love you.**

If he wasn't so depressed, Axel would have laughed. Since he had left his room two weeks prior, he had barely spoken a word to either of his flatmates; only because he didn't know what to say. What could he say? He had no conversation topics; he had spent the past three weeks wallowing in depression without leaving his _room_, let alone the apartment.

When the pair was around, Axel made the effort to see them –if only for a minute- just to show them that he was still alive. He wasn't eating yet, but he was surviving, and that seemed to be enough for the boys who tended to be out at work. They believed Axel's lies when he gave a mute nod to the question 'have you eaten yet?'

"Demyx is coming over soon," Riku informed him as the pair stood in the kitchen, the silver haired boy chopping vegetables as the redhead sipped his coffee – his new food substitute. This, in turn, making Axel's heart squeeze a little, he already knew what Demyx would be like when he saw Axel again and the last thing he needed was a blubbering ball of Demyx when he could barely keep himself together. "I just wanted to give you a heads up; he really wants to see you."

Axel nodded mutely and walked away, back to his room. Demyx was his oldest friend and he'd neglected the boy since Roxas had left. Axel let out a sharp breath, how selfish of him.

Once in his room the redhead sighed and glanced over at his quietly buzzing laptop. He wouldn't check it, not yet. If he did, he might lock himself in his room for the rest of the night and ignore his friend. So instead, he changed– if there had been one improvement, it was that he'd been washing more since he'd started getting out of his room and spending time in other parts of the apartment. Not only did he hate smelling bad, he was out of his room, and that in itself was a good sign for Sora and Riku, who then wouldn't pester the redhead when he went back to his room.

Just as the redhead pulled his t-shirt over his head, the door slammed open, startling Axel who spun around only to collide with a mass of sandy blond mullet-hawk. "Demyx! I told you not to barge into his room." Axel turned his attention to Zexion, who had scolded the blond and was walking towards the pair with fire in his eyes. The slate haired boy placed an arm on Demyx's shoulder, but it was quickly shrugged off as the blond clung to Axel and gave Zexion a watery pout.

The boy rolled his eyes, "I apologise for this Axel, he's done nothing but worry about you for weeks."

The redhead looked down at the boy clinging to him for dear life but couldn't bring himself to hug Demyx back; the action would likely break him and he wouldn't let everyone see that. Instead, he just let Demyx hug him and stood in silence as he did so. "Hey guys," Sora interrupted from the doorframe and the trio turned to look at him (Demyx only doing so as Axel moved) making Sora smile somewhat awkwardly. "Riku wants to know if you're staying for dinner."

Both Axel and Zexion then turned to Demyx and the sandy blond nodded without letting go of the redhead. "If it's no trouble," Zexion answered for Demyx somewhat apologetically, "I'm afraid Demyx might not let go of Axel if we say no."

"No problem," Sora smiled and walked away to inform Riku.

"Demyx," Axel started but Demyx squeezed him in a don't-talk-just-hug manner and the redhead shut up with a huff of air and looked over at Zexion, who just shrugged, unable to do anything to save Axel from Demyx's grasp.

"I'll just um," and the slate haired boy pointed towards the door over his shoulder and left the room.

There was only silence after Zexion left and Axel's back began to ache with the pressure his best friend was putting on it, but he stood still and allowed Demyx to get it out of his system. A few minutes passed before he did and the blond finally mumbled an, "I missed you, you jack ass," with his face mushed against the redhead's shoulder before he let go and walked away to find Zexion.

Axel didn't move straight away, just stared after the blond and let the smallest of melancholy smiles spread across his face. He'd have to apologise to Demyx later.

The group of males all took their seat at the table; Axel refused the offer of any food but he sat with them for Demyx's sake –and it succeeded in making the blond very happy.

The conversations started off awkwardly for the first five minutes of dinner, Demyx and Sora would ask a question and receive a short answer in return, unsure of what they could actually talk about, but eventually the uneasy air lifted and everyone felt comfortable enough to chat away. Axel mostly sat and watched the other four as they laughed with each other causing a pit to open up in the bottom of his stomach. He felt guilty for thinking it, but he just couldn't bear being around the two couples; especially in the state he was in now. Finally, it became so unbearable that the redhead stood from his seat at the table making all eyes turn to him. He would have liked to leave without a word, but he knew that wasn't possible; thankfully he'd been sitting there making up his excuse while the other four talked.

"I forgot I promised Reno I'd go see him," Axel explained –speaking for the first time all day- and even though Demyx and Sora shot each other a concerned look, Riku nodded.

"I'm sure he'll be pleased to see you, we'll see you later Axel."

The redhead nodded and moved away from the dinner table, collecting his converse from his room and putting them on before leaving.

Axel winced at the sunlight as he exited the apartment complex, it had been too long since he'd been outside but he didn't care; solitude was the only comfort he had right now and though he didn't particularly want to visit Reno, he decided it would probably be the best thing to do. His brother hadn't seen him in a while and it would be nice to be around someone who wouldn't tiptoe around his emotional state.

Axel took his time walking home and thought about what he might say to Reno. He reminded himself he couldn't –and wouldn't- break down in front of his brother; the last thing he wanted was Reno's sympathy because he looked so pathetic. The redhead thought about visiting Cloud while he was there, at least then he'd be able to talk to someone who was sharing his pain, but the thought of going back to Roxas' house would open up a whole new hole in his chest and he didn't think he could handle that.

After a long walk to steel him for this encounter, Axel finally reached home and opened the door to find Reno lounging on the couch with Metallica playing through the entire house. The older male had no idea Axel had even entered until the door closed with a less-than-quiet click. He turned to look over at his little brother who practically gawked at him. Reno turned off the music and walked over to Axel, who hadn't moved from the door and a long silence ensued as the older redhead just stared at his little brother.

"Where the fuck have _you_ been?" He demanded, nipping Axel's arm which made the younger male quickly try to soothingly rub it without saying a word. "Hey, don't play that 'mute' shit with me, you're not five anymore," Reno scolded; he knew his brother far too well.

"Where do you think I've been?" Axel replied.

"Well you could have answered your phone. I've been calling it every day since I found out about Roxas."

The younger redhead winced; he should have known Reno would be _this_ brutal. "Sit."

Axel grumbled but walked over to the couch and sat down as Reno took a seat across from him and studied his brother. He looked exhausted and thinner than he should be, making the other male frown. "I understand that this is hard for you, Axel, what happened wasn't fair for either of you; but you _can't do this to yourself._" The younger redhead winced again, how dare Reno see through him so easily. "Do you really think that Roxas would be happy that you're isolating yourself if he knew? He wants you to be ok."

"But I'm _not_ ok Reno!" Axel finally snapped, shouting at his brother, his patience worn away with his brother and everyone else, everyone who was taking pity on him. Everyone who cared about him. "How am I supposed to be ok with this? Roxas was _taken from me_ Reno, and there's nothing I could do about it, no way I could stop it, and it _kills me_ every day. How am I supposed to be ok with that?" Axel could feel the mask he'd built up cracking but he couldn't bare the pain anymore, he had to let it out, and Reno would understand that his brother was hurting. "No one understands what this feels like so they tiptoe around me like I'm made out of glass and it makes me angry and I hate myself for it! Nothing is fine anymore!"

Axel's voice began to shake and he stood abruptly before he could break any further. He gave one last look to Reno before heading towards the door. "Axel, wait!" he heard his brother call just as he closed the door and walked away.

Axel's legs took him to the beach as he scolded himself for what he'd just done. Reno didn't deserve that, Axel had wanted someone to be open with him but he hadn't realised how little he was prepared for it. He hated everyone for being so careful around him but once one person had been honest with him he'd snapped and that wasn't fair.

As his mind raced Axel looked out at the sea and the setting sun. He was a fool for thinking he could deal with anything, he wanted to scream and curse the world for everything that had happened but he couldn't find his voice around the lump in his throat, choking him until he let out a heavy sob; he was too old to cry but too drained not to, so he sat under the walkway where it was quiet and secluded and sobbed like never before because his heart was broken and that was the only thing he could accept.

* * *

**A/N: Could I be anymore heartless?**

**Tily: Reno had words about his lack of presence didn't he?**

**Kit: If I put him in he agreed to make cookies.**

**Yuffie:**** Reno's making cookies?**

**Kit:**** You're not allowed Yuffie, they're for the readers! Get back here Yuffie!**

**Tily: ^^; um... please review and stuff, if there are anymore guest suggestions we're always happy to hear them. Thank you for reading! From the bottom of our hearts.**


End file.
